Gotta Get Goals

I've been asked to think about my Gotta Get Goals by Jenny at Green Mommy (you can check out her goals here).

I've been thinking about this and I think my goals are fairly common.

1) Financial Independence. I read Your Money or Your Life and I really want the life they describe. The idea that I can cut my expenses and increase my income so that at some point my investments are creating enough income that I don't have to work unless I want to? Heaven.

2) Peace. Mr. Gaia and I have always had very different money management styles. He does research carefully and get the best deals, but in the past he would buy things we didn't need because it was a good deal. Something changed in the past year and we are beginning to actually have peace in our home.

3) Travel. I really want to travel. Last year we were blessed and my father in law invited us to join him on a trip to Mexico. He gifted us with a place to stay, meals while there and paid for most of our activities. We only had to pay for airfare for the four of us. We had such a great time together and learned so much. I really want to do this more. I want to get to Europe and Asia. Australia, New Zealand and the Galapagos.

4) Sustainability. I want to make our lifestyle sustainable. We are working towards this by making our home more energy efficient, adjusting to warmer and cooler temps (so that we don't have to run the heater or air conditioner) and buying organic foods. We don't have a large lot, but it is large enough to supply at least a fairly good portion of our vegetables, if I will just do it. Eventually we will have solar panels and perhaps mini-turbines and rain barrels.

5) Giving. I want to be able to set up a foundation that will supply solar panels and/or mini-turbines to (eventually) anyone who wants them, starting with lower-income levels. Many people down here do not have electricity at all and other people pay 25-50% of their monthly income for electricity. The plan will be to supply them with the panels/turbines and then help them use the money they save/make to increase the energy efficiency of their home.

6) A Vocation. I have a career, but it isn't my calling. I'm not sure what my calling is, but I want to find it. I don't want to wake-up at retirement age and realize that I've spent all my time working at something I didn't like because I needed money and didn't have any better ideas.

7) Learn to speak Spanish. It's embarrassing that I don't speak more than a smattering of Spanish. I hate that I'm a typical American in this way (but I do at least have my passport).

If I can accomplish these, I will look back on my life and realize that I lived a great life.

I tag Tanya and any lurkers out there (I see you, but I don't know who you are, come forward and let me know)

Real Woman meme

Tanya, the art butcher tagged me with this meme.

This is surprisingly hard. What is a Real Woman™? Most days I feel like it's something I'm not.

So, here goes. To me a Real Woman™:

-Isn't afraid to jump in and be physical. Whether it be helping carry heavy items or getting dirty, she knows she can do it and anyone who thinks doing so makes her less feminine can suck it.

- Isn't afraid to go after what she wants. The corner office, her own business, the "male job", etc.

- Accepts that she can't actually have it all, but figures out what is most important and manages to fit in many of the less important items.

- Isn't afraid to admit when she isn't typically feminine. If she doesn't like to shop, isn't into shoes, purses, or makeup, she isn't afraid of being judged when she admits it.

- However, a real woman doesn't judge her friends who are into the typically feminine things. If they like it, that's good enough for her.

- A real woman helps her friends be strong but isn't afraid to let them see her when she's weak.

I know there are more things I want to say and I'm not stating what I want to say as well as I would like, but my muse, she has left. I tag Jenny and Grace if they wish to be tagged.

Ecotourism - Sabal Palm Sanctuary

We rarely get to play tourists in our area. Okay, let me rephrase that, I rarely get to play tourist. I never manage to have the chance to take a day off. Anyway ...

I had the day off for Good Friday and it was too cool for the beach today so Mr. Gaia suggested a trip to the Sabal Palm Sanctuary. Mother in law tells us that step-brother recently sent them a newsletter from their waldorf school talking about birding being the activity "progressive families" are pursuing these days. I'm assuming this is a work in progress, since I know very few kids who are capable of being quiet and still enough to see many birds. But, we're a family that figures kids won't learn without practice.

The Sanctuary is gorgeous. Sabal Palms are related to palmetto palms (found in Florida) but in the US are only native to the Rio Grande Valley and grow excrutiatingly slowly. It takes a sabal 12 years before it has even grown enough to have a trunk.

My only disappointment in the sanctuary was the large number of non-native plants. I understand that it isn't their mission to remain native only, but there were so many non-native plants that it was fairly distracting.

But, oh my was it gorgeous. I saw a green jay carrying straw for its nest. We heard and then saw a long-billed thrasher hiding in the tree top. It has a beautiful song and it is very loud. The kids never managed to see the birds (well, other than kiskadees, which are show-offs and can't manage to stay hidden no matter what), but sharp-eyed Hyperion managed to spot and point out several striped lizards (probably this) and lots of ants. He managed to spot a damselfly which was patient enough to let us examine it carefully. We also saw several dragonflies (my favorites).

Mr. Gaia got quite a few good pictures of a tepeguahe just sending out new leaves and flower buds. He also got some nice shots of the damselfly Hyperion and I examined and a butterfly that was willing to pose for a good long while. And the coolest wasp lookalike I've ever seen - it had the best colors and really did look like a wasp until you looked and realized it didn't have a "wasp waist".

I'd recommend this as a site to visit, but I warn you, you need insect repellant - the mosquitoes are quite thick.

Rain!!!

We went weeks without rain and finally got some this weekend. All the flowers are blooming so nicely, the trees are fully leafed out.

And the grass has sprung up. It already needed mowed, but I got lazy. I went out to work on it tonight. I only succeeded in making a couple of paths.

Reel mowers are marvelous as long as you mow regularly. I suspect I'll be burning a lot of calories this week while I work to keep the house clean for my mother-in-law and uphold my half of the mowing (Mr. Gaia does the front yard and uses the weed-eater). I have to admit, it's lazy times like this that make me wish I had a gas powered or electric mower.

First watermelon of the season

We had our first watermelon of the season. And it sucked. It was underripe and overripe at the same time. It was clearly picked too soon and then artificially ripened and it just didn't work. It's really too bad because we love watermelon in the Gaia household. We had a volunteer vine but a combination of chilly weather and too little water took it out.

I'm seriously behind on my gardening this year. My bok choi and arugula have bolted, but I haven't pulled them. They're just sitting in my garden being all yellow and white flowers. I've decided the flowers are pretty. I've also decided to let them go to seed and see if the seed will germinate. That would be really cool. Adding to the flowers in my garden is a radish that went to bloom in the compost pile. It's clearly not hot enough if the radish is surviving in the middle of the heap. Oh well, it'll eventually decompose.

My lancinato kale is still doing really well, except for the caterpillars and aphids. I need some ladybugs in the worst way. I love this kale, I had the same plants live through 17F temps and 105F temps unprotected. They eventually went to seed after about 9 months. That seed was not viable.

I seriously need to hurry up and plant my peppers and tomatoes or there will be none this year. Mr. Gaia can get free avocados fresh from the tree at work, so tomatoes and peppers are a must.

It's a new month

I never did follow up on my goals post. My plan is to become a Certifed Arborist. I have a degree in forestry and have dabbled in tree care for the last 12 years. Mr. Gaia is still in forestry and works for the government. He insists there is a market for consulting arborists in our area (2 counties making up over a million people).

I've been trying to break this down into a timeline. I looked up the testing dates, but they only go about 6 months out and I think I need more than 6 months to study.

My first step is to lay hands on the study material. It's only about $100, but I'd like to do this on the cheap, or at least as cheap as possible. I've asked Mr. Gaia to look into finding the materials cheaper - either from people who have already passed the test or maybe see if the government agency will pay for them (part of their mission is to train more qualified urban tree workers, having the study materials to become a Certified Arborist dovetails very well with that mission).

So, my first official goal is to lay hands on that by May 15. If I have to order them and pay for them myself, May 15 gives me time to earn the money by mystery shopping and doing surveys.

Movies of the Week

Once again, my MIL is coming to visit, and once again, I've got a ton of movies scheduled to record. In order of appearance:

1. How to Marry a Millionaire I've never watched a Marilyn Monroe movie, so I'm going to give it a try.

2. We're Not Married Ginger Rogers and Fred Allen (and Marilyn Monroe)

3. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes I figure if I'm going to watch Marilyn Monroe, this is one I need to see.

4. Move Over Darling Oddly enough, I thought of this movie just the other day, so when I saw it on the channel, I had to save it. It seems they don't much like Doris Day on the movie channels, this is only the 2nd Doris Day movie I've seen on there since I started checking regularly over a month ago.

5. Charade Because I can't get enough of Audrey Hepburn or Cary Grant

6. The Bride Goes Wild The description sounded interesting.

7. Green Mansions Another Audrey Hepburn

8. Rafter Romance Ginger Rogers and it sounded interesting

9. Professional Sweetheart ditto

10. Father of the Bride I saw the remake, so I want to see the original

So, it's just 10 and I fully expect that some won't hold my attention and so will get deleted until next time they show.

Kid Brags

1) Hyperion's awards ceremony was today (they do them every 9 weeks). I told him I would do my best to come but didn't think I would be able to (it was at 9:15). At 9:00, I felt guilty, took my work to my boss and asked if I could use some comp time to go and he told me to "take on out". So I went. I am so happy I did. He got A/B honor roll, Homework Hero (means he turned his homework in every day), Perfect Attendance and Reading Hero (that means he met his A/R Goal). He was so excited to see me.

2) Everyone at Hyperion's school knows him. I'm choosing to believe this is because he is so cute with his freckles and smile and so charming. And not that he is so hyper and disruptive.

3) Oceanus had his awards ceremony Wednesday (I went to that as well). He got Principal's Honor Roll, Perfect Attendance (yeah, he didn't have perfect attendance, so I'm not sure how he got that), Homework Hero and Reading Hero.

4) Mr. Gaia was travelling for work this week. We made it with only one little meltdown (mine). We managed to go to McDonald's by ourselves without a meltdown. They did their homework with no problem. They were wonderful and patient with me.

Be Still My Heart

On our walk tonight, we came across a tomato hornworm. It was being attacked by fireants (I don't know if it had somehow managed to appear to be a threat or if they were hoping to fill their coffers with some gooey insect protein goodness).

The boys wanted to save it, but the damage these things have done to my tomatoes and peppers over the years taxes even my liberal heart. I did agree to move it a short distance and knock the ants away so that we could study it.

We discussed that insects have 6 legs, and then I flipped it over and asked them to find the legs. Hyperion pointed at the true legs, Oceanus got confused (or just wanted to disagree with his brother) and pointed at the prolegs. Fun teaching moment to explain the difference and allow them to observe the function.

Now, I do this all the time. Earth Sciences are my passion. Hey, forestry degree here. Usually they roll their eyes and gripe. But tonight? They were both excited and talked about how cool it was that I taught them that. Of course, we were on our way to McDonald's so they could have just been buttering me up.

On the way back, we found it almost where we'd left it, but curled up and almost dead. I suspect the venom from the ants was just too much for it. If you've ever been bitten by a fireant, you'll know what I mean. If you haven't, think of the worst steam burn you've ever had - the way it kept burning long after you've cooled the burn and that approximates the way these bites feel. They burn for hours.

A letter that will never be sent

Dear family members,

It has come to my attention that you wonder why my family and I no longer attend family get-togethers. I am sure you really know the answer, but refuse to be introspective enough to recognize it.

For many years, I struggled to be accepted and loved by you as a group. I spent every holiday trying to pretend that your words and actions didn't hurt me. I tried to be understanding when I got in more trouble than my cousin (your daughter/niece), Jane, even when we were both naughty and when it was her idea in the first place. I tried to not care when my feelings and likes were ignored.

I left every family event feeling depressed, angry, irritated, ugly, unloved, unlovable, socially unacceptable and just "wrong".

As I got older and a little stronger emotionally, I tried to assert my own self-worth. I then found out that my christian beliefs were the wrong brand of christian beliefs (apparently Christ didn't mean that whole "turn the other cheek" bit or the "blessed are the peacemakers" bit). Every event was a celebration of what was wrong with me - I was too skinny, too tall, too many freckles, too much gray hair, too big when pregnant, starting to get fat (when I weighed 135 lbs at 5'8"), I went to the wrong school, the wrong church, had the wrong job. I was used to it, I was even willing to put up with it.

Christmas of 1997, Mr. Gaia and I arrived at 4:40 for a 4:30 event (we did drive an hour and a half to a large, unfamiliar city and to a house we'd only been to once) and found that all the gifts were opened, all the wrapping paper cleaned up and people eating seconds of christmas dinner. I didn't make a scene. I did ask why you started before the scheduled time and was told I was "too sensitive" and "the kids couldn't wait, besides you were late!", when I pointed out that that didn't all happen in 10 minutes, I was told I was being argumentative. I didn't point out that for years we had waited over an hour past the start time for John and Jane to get there. I heard the message loud and clear - I was not as valuable as John and Jane.

Christmas of 2004 everyone in the family knew I was moving 2 days after christmas. Moving 750 miles away (and many times I think it wasn't far enough). I made no secret of it. When did you decide to schedule family christmas? The Saturday after christmas. The reason you gave was so full of holes a 2nd grader could have picked them apart. "Aunt Marcia has to work and that's the only Saturday she has off". Aunt Marcia works for a christian bookstore. She doesn't work Sundays, nor does she work all day on Saturday - we've often had family christmas starting at 6pm. I heard the message loud and clear - you didn't want me and my family to attend.

At this point, I stay away because I won't sit idly by while you "tease" other family members (always the young, the girls, and the "weak"). I understand that you would not be able to handle an "uppity woman" and that my standing up to you might make you violent (oh yes, I've seen the violence lurking just under the surface, I know it's there). I will not expose my children to your bullying.

I know much has been made of the special effort we make to see Mr. Gaia's family and that it "hurts" you. I make a special effort to attend events with them because they make me feel smart, attractive, loved and lovable, and just "right". Being around them is uplifting and wonderful.

You've conditioned me to apologize for saying these things. But I'm not sorry. You know in your heart that these things are true. I can't change you, but I can decide to not be around you.

New Purchase

After abusing my poor kitchenaid mixer by making 2 large loaves of whole wheat bread every other week, we finally splurged and bought the monster shown here. It's a KitchenAid Professional 600 series.

I haven't tried it out yet. I made bread yesterday, which, as Mr. Gaia pointed out, was a little sad, but Sunday really is my best bread making opportunity. Soccer practice is Monday and Tuesday nights, so they're out. By Wednesday, I'm too exhausted to even think about making bread, that carries over to Thursday and Friday. Saturday is for soccer games and naps. But we needed bread for this week.

I let Mr. Gaia pick out the color. I really didn't care. Our old one is white because that's what was available at Sam's (it came with attachments!). He liked the steel gray color, so that was fine with me.

I joked with him that what he really wanted was a commercial kitchen one - the floor stand model. Truth be told, that would actually be nice. I have enough pans to make several more loaves, but not the horsepower in a mixer or the upper arm strength.

Best Soccer Game EVER!!!

Oceanus' team played the "entitled team" yesterday.

I call them the entitled team because they think they have the right to take over a whole practice field (we're supposed to share) and to send their kids to run laps around and through other practice fields. The coach throws frequent tantrums and they require their kids to take private lessons and hire private coaches to come in. They have 3 different uniforms (most teams have just the one provided by the league).

There were only 4 players from our team there at 11:25 (game starts at 11:30) and the other coach started pushing to start the game. So they started a few minutes early. One of our players showed up at 11:29, after the game was started, but that's no big deal.

We only had 5 of 8 players show up total. The other team had all 8.

The final score? 4-2, our team won. I've never seen our team play so well. Oceanus played goalie most of the time because he's really good at it. The other players have a little bit of trouble getting the timing down to meet an incoming ball (but damn, turn them loose with a ball and can they score!). But the ball rarely even came to that end of the field. Our boys were stealing the ball, putting pressure on the other players, etc. And they played a clean game. No elbows, no shoulders, no tripping. We can't say the same for the other team.

Oh they hated losing. The league rules requiring equal time for all kids present? Totally ignored so that they could keep subbing in their best players.It was a marvelous win.

Poor Oceanus, though. He didn't enjoy the win very much. He heard the other team's coach tell the team that the ball always gets past Oceanus (not true, but he is the weaker member of that group of 5). I told him that when teams start losing they often start trash talk to try to psych out the other team and he did a good job of not letting it effect his performance.

Music soothes the savage beast

Hyperion had good behavior marks the last two days. In an effort to reward good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior, we decided to try to come up with rewards for him.

We've noticed that his behavior is much better when he's listening to music (any kind of music), so Mr. Gaia ordered him a cheap MP3 player (he has a portable CD player but it eats batteries like you wouldn't believe, plus CDs are not really 6yo friendly). We replaced the earbuds with headphones and left the plastic protector on it.

So we gave it to him tonight. I swear, it's like he was on a sedative. He ate quietly and quickly (we normally do family meals, but tonight was a relaxed night where we just ate when we were hungry). He took his vitamins and brushed his teeth without complaint. He sat quietly while Oceanus got ready for bed.

It was night and day. I don't know if it will last, but it was definitely worth every penny Mr. Gaia spent for the MP3 player and every minute he spent loading it with music, even if it only lasts a few days.

ADHD

So, my MIL brought me a book about ADHD. I do see Hyperion in the descriptions. But more than than, I see myself.

This is an interesting book, it's 20 Questions to Ask if Your Child has ADHD. It describes the way it stresses your family, which I soooo see in our family. And it describes the dysfunctional way families deal with it.

Trip down memory lane:

I'm 12 and a half. My brother died from injuries from a car accident 6 months before.

I became old enough to be in the youth group of the church at the beginning of the school year. We are at a youth group retreat. This is my first real event as a member of the youth group. My parents are there.

Also there is a boy who has always "teased" me (I'd call it bullying, but the adults insisted it was "teasing").

As part of the opening exercises we are supposed to do a trust building exercise. We are to reveal our biggest secret/fear, etc to the group. Starting with the youngest - me. I was a very vulnerable child, I was picked on constantly - by my family, my classmates, parents of classmates (I wish I was kidding). For me, this was just too much. I'm supposed to lay myself bare in front of EVERYONE, including my bully? I refused to go first. I told them that someone else needed to go first. When my parents intervened (rudely, in my opinion) all I could express was that I could not possibly talk about something like that in front of my bully. My parents had the nerve to take me to task for hurting his feelings.

When I started crying because I couldn't explain myself with my dad yelling at me and my mom griping at me for hurting Bully's feelings and the youth director for telling me that I HAD to follow the rules, my parents packed me up and took me home.

As an adult, I'm really angry and hurt that my parents never seemed to take my side or even listen to me. I'm angry that the adults were too stupid to realize that you NEVER make the weakest person in the group lay themselves bare first. I'm pissed that everyone could excuse outright bullying as teasing.

In my situation, I really think that any child would have a problem in those circumstances, but what I'm sure now is ADD in me (and maybe a slight bit of Aspergers) led me to be more than normally emotional (well that and having lost my brother 6 months before, I mean really - WHAT THE HELL??!!).

I'm so terrified that I will make the same mistakes my parents made. I see myself doing many of the things they did and that made me feel less valued and less loved.

Make-up

Apparently there's now a tint for nipples. Geez, who knew there was a "right" color for nipples?

I don't even like to wear makeup on my face. I do it because it is expected in the office environment. I'm already bucking convention by refusing to wear pantyhose, I don't feel I can do it with makeup.

I know, I know, there is makeup that is so light you don't even feel it on your face. But damn, it's expensive. I want the cheapest shit I can find. I keep the bare minimum - blush, eyeshadow and foundation. No eyeliner, no lipstick (I am truly blessed in that my lips naturally look like I have on lipstick), no mascara, no concealer, etc. $5 for a single item is more than I want to spend.

I hate the way it rubs off and leaves residue on phone earpieces and smudges up my cellphone screen.

I hate the way it gets on clothes unless you're extremely careful.

I hate that it often ends up looking uneven because one side has rubbed off on the aforementioned items.

This, of course, doesn't mean that I think it's wrong if some women love it and love to play with it. If you love it, play with it to your heart's content. Just throw me a bone and sympathize with my hatred of it - okay?

In keeping with a theme

Several blogs are discussing the myth of the "Opt Out Revolution". The idea that women are choosing to be SAHMs in greater numbers than ever before.

At Pandagon it's pointed out that for many women, it isn't a free choice. It's a choice we make because our other choices are less palatable. Like the choice for Mr. Gaia to be a SAHD was basically forced because the daycares available to us were abysmal and my choice to be a SAHM was that my job market was absolutely flooded and I had a new baby.

Several of the commenters say that of course women choose to SAH, it's a free choice and anyone that says that they're choosing it mostly because the feel there are no other choices are just whining. Men there are saying that of course it's fulfilling and wonderful and more WOMEN should choose it.

These discussions remind me of a workshop I had while working for the USDA Forest Service in 1995. The point of the workshop was to stop sexual harassment and discrimination. At one point we broke up into groups by gender and wrote what we saw as the benefits and drawbacks of our gender and the same for the opposite gender. In both of our categories we had childbirth. The men had a FIT when we revealed that. How dare we think childbirth is a negative part of being a woman. THEY would give anything to be able to have a child. No amount of us explaining why it was a negative (harder to find a good job, being expected to balance job and family in a way men aren't simply because WE give birth, etc) would convince them.

Seriously, if staying a home is such a great choice that more and more women are choosing it simply because they want to and society has no effect on that at all, why aren't more men choosing it? Why when a woman works 80 hours/week she's seen as neglecting her children, but no one says boo when a man does it?

Apparently I'm radical because I think the "choice" to SAH is all too often a matter of choosing the lesser evil. For us it was put our son in a substandard daycare or live in relative poverty with a SAHD (or abject poverty with a SAHM). Of course, we benefitted from Mr. Gaia staying at home - when he went back to work a short 2 years later, it came with a 50% pay raise and good benefits (with absolutely no change in his qualifications). When I went back to work, it was to a 10% paycut and the only benefit I have is a part time work schedule (and that 10% paycut is based on the idea of what I would make if I worked full time, if I compare what I actually make part time to what I made full time, it would be a much larger paycut)

One down, 2 to go

My MIL visited this weekend. I enjoy my MIL and we get along well, but I can't pretend that it isn't stressful having company.

FIL (my inlaws are divorced and remarried) comes this Wednesday. He'll leave Tuesday. Before he leaves, Mr. Gaia's aunt and uncle will come visit on Monday and will stay until Friday. None of them will stay in my home, though (cat allergies).

We had a nice visit. Neither boy won their soccer game, but they played well and tough. Poor Oceanus got hit really hard and sent flying, but still got up and continued to play. Winning two games in a row gave their team new found confidence. They played a tough game and really it was just a matter of some luck and just a tad bit extra skill (the other team were masterful at ball handling) plus not being afraid to be extremely physical. Besides the flying tackle, I saw one kid grab one our boy's foot and all but pull him down, Oceanus took a kick to the nuts, and there were multiple elbows, shoulders and kicks thrown at our boys.

MIL and the boys got to play some games and just have the time together they like to have. I'm glad they get to have this time together. I'm sad that we live so far apart, because I want them to have a close relationship.

Blog against sexism day

So, I've been reading various blogs (Bitch Ph.D., Feministe, Redneck Mother, Mom 101 and Pandagon) and discover that today is Blog Against Sexism Day.

As a child, I was raised in the Southern Baptist Church. It was a big deal to them that women were not meant to teach men, women were NOT to be smarter than men, women were best kept at home. Unconsciously echoing Galileo's thoughts ("I do not think it is necessary to believe that the same God who has given us our senses, reason, and intelligence wished us to abandon their use, giving us by some other means the information that we could gain through them."), I would say "God wouldn't have made me this smart if he didn't intend for me to do something with it". This was considered almost as bad as blasphemy and I was told that God wanted me to submit, and he just made me smart so that I'd have more to sacrifice. Other people told me that God didn't give me my intelligence, but Satan did.

The Mother's Day I was pregnant with my first, I went to church with my mom. I've never sat through a more misogynisitc sermon (and that is saying A LOT). My husband was extremely offended. Basically, we were told that if we worked outside of the home we were neglecting our children, UNLESS, of course, we were like the preacher's wife and made sure that we were home when the kids got home from school.

At the time, we had all but decided that Mr. Gaia was going to be a stay at home dad. We were still trying to find a good daycare but were growing discouraged and realizing that we were not going to find the right daycare for us.

I walked out of that church, turned to my mom and said "Would it really be better for ME to stay at home, even though I SUCK at the childcare thing? Mr. Gaia is GOOD at it, why would it be better for me to be with the baby than him?" My mom looked me in the eye and said "Because God's plan is for you to stay home and be supported by your husband."

I lost all respect for my mother that day. All respect. At that point, I knew that it wasn't about what was best for my children or me, it was about what these people thought God wanted. And what my mom knew was that I made 50% more than Mr. Gaia and there is no way we could have lived on what Mr. Gaia made.

It became abundantly clear to me WHY women make less than men. Why women aren't equally represented in upper management. It's because there are enough people out there that believe women are supposed to stay home and care for the kids while their husbands support them. That believe that allowing a woman to make a living is actually perverting God's plan.

Gratitude Wednesday

I haven't had a gratitude post in a while.

1) The TAKS scores. I know it's silly, but if we have to devote so much time to them, thank goodness they were good scores.

2) Clean laundry.

3) Having a husband who is good at cooking and cleaning.

4) Family who are willing to travel for hours and hours to come visit us and spend time with our kids.

5) A good soccer coach and good soccer families.

6) A husband who is willing to step up and help coach the team.

7) Healthy kids.

8) Good jobs

This week's movie list

Here's the list of movies I'm recording to watch this weekend:

Summer Stock
Return to Peyton Place
Dangerous Blondes
Paris When it Sizzles
Alfie
History of the World: Part I
Love Potion No. 9

I have no idea when I will get to watch these, necessarily. My mother in law is coming to visit Friday morning and won't leave until Sunday. Our "guest room" is the front room of our house (the one we don't really use) and I will disturb her if I watch TV in the family room (adjoining rooms). So, some may get sacrificed in order to make space for the tv shows we tape.

Reading TAKS scores are in

And our school did well. Thank God. As much emphasis as they put on these stupid tests, I'd hate for it to have been for naught.

Oceanus got Commended Performance (along with about 7 others in his class).

Now this isn't surprising for him. He reads well and a lot. We spend time reading to him and discussing what we read.

I gotta tell you, the Series of Unfortunate Events books are downers and really, really depressing, but they do a great job of enriching vocabulary. Hyperion has an amazing vocabulary and I'm sure a lot of it is from listening to us read these books.

We've done some reading about ADD and I have to say, Hyperion fits most of the characteristics. His teacher didn't mention it just because he is active, she specifically mentioned his need to "fiddle", his inability to control himself when he knows the answer, his lack of impulse control (he will do exactly what he just got reprimanded for and says he just couldn't help it). I don't think drugs are the answer for him - he is learning and doing well, but we do probably need to look into some behavioral modifications, if for no other reason than because I don't want him being "that kid", the one that distracts the class, the one that "doesn't live up to his potential", etc.

I've got to remember my own behavioral modifications. I let myself go too long without food today. I know better. I totally snapped. I yelled at Hyperion for asking for help (there was a bit more to it, but it was still not something I should have responded so strongly to). By the time I had my self back into control, it was time for soccer practice. Thankfully, soccer practice went well.

In this day and age

I really thought this shit had stopped.

In the delivery from school today, ie - the flyers, the notices, etc, was "Champs Camp 2007".

Done at the baptist church during spring break. $40 for the week and it's 8-5. This is cool, if we needed child care that week, I'd be all over it.

Until. I look at the list of activities and see: Basketball, swimming, volleyball, soccer, skating, golf, baseball (guys only), softball (girls only), tennis, aerobics/dance (girls only), football (guys only), arts & crafts, martial arts.

This is EXACTLY why I will not attend a baptist church. Why do they see the need to keep girls from playing baseball and football and boys from playing softball and doing aerobics/dance? My boy? Would love to do the aerobic/dance. As a kid, I would have wanted to play football and baseball. I HATED softball and dance. I would have been upset, the adults and kids would have teased and I would have had a meltdown (because of the teasing, not, as they would claim, because I couldn't do what I wanted). I would have spent the rest of the week being embarrassed by my meltdown, IF my mom or the organizers had let me go back. Hyperion is so much like me, it's not even funny.

Oh, and kids are required to participate in every sport (gender appropriate of course) so a girl who doesn't like softball is SOL, she's expected to participate. A boy who doesn't like football? Equally SOL.

Okay, seriously? Why can't girls play football? Because they might get hurt? And? Boys might get hurt too. Boys aren't tougher than girls when it comes to pain (who lives with menstrual cramps?). Boys aren't immune to getting hurt. If a girl chooses to take that risk, who should say it isn't her right?

And why shouldn't boys be in aerobic/dance? Are they afraid it will turn them gay?

I want to call and at least say "hey listen, I got your flier from the school and my daughter saw it and wants to play football, but it says "boys only". Is there a reason it's only for boys? Because my daughter really likes to play football with her dad and brothers and is pretty good at it." I'm just not sure I can do it without being insulting to them.

My day

Awake to dh freaking out because the clock says 7:17. "Mine says 6:49, what does your phone say?" "6:50" "So shut up". He gets up and goes to the bathroom - loudly. Leaving his alarm set.

I stumble out at 7:10. The kids can't find their clothes, their shoes, their homework. Oceanus needs someone to cut him a piece of bread. The following conversation took place:
Cat: Yowling desperately
Me: Someone feed the cat.
Hyperion: it's not my turn
Oceanus: I fed her last night
H: not my turn
M: I don't care, *I'll* feed her
O&H together: Noooo!!! *I* want to feed her.

DH takes forever getting his shower, making me late.

They leave to walk to school "we're LATE!"

I realize I actually have 10 minutes before I need to leave and then remember boss has court this morning and I didn't brief him on the file yesterday. Know I'm looking for something, but can't remember what. Get to the end of the alley and realize - oh yeah, my allergy pills. I'm not going back.

Get to the office, boss is worried about time, etc. But still doesn't leave. Informs us all that the receptionist is in the hospital (she has the stomach bug going around and it has left her so dehydrated she has to be on IV fluids) and then gets exasperated at her. I'm sure she chose to be ill and in the hospital.

Boss finally leaves. I realize 2nd boss has an open calendar - "Do you have time?" "Yes, we need to talk" Sigh. He gives me a laundry list of things to do and reminds me that I have a limited window of time without boss 1 around. Sigh.

At 10:00 walk-in comes in. I realize her name is familiar and can't figure out why. I ask boss 2 if he will see her. He says sure, why not. Right before I tell her he will see her in a minute, I realize why her name is familiar. She has an appoinment with Boss 1 Thursday at 9:30. Boss 2 decides to go ahead and talk to her and not worry about thursday. Boss 1 wants to leave early anyway (around 10:00) so why not.

Boss 1 gets back at 11:00 and is upset because his calendar is messed up. He juggled an appointment around yesterday and then juggled it back. Either he didn't tell me or I didn't hear it because it didn't fixed in the calendar. So I start calling appointments to ask if they can reschedule to the morning. They are happy to do so.

In between all this, I do my job.

2:30, I leave. Call my mom. Continue to try to contact a client. Walk to pick up the boys.

3:20-4:40 - play homework cop. Manage to contact client and remind her of court tomorrow.

4:40 leave for soccer practice

4:50-6:20 shag balls and help with practice. I'm exhausted.

6:20-6:30 discuss dinner with Mr. Gaia, finally settle on chili dogs

6:40-7:00 listen to two boys make more noise eating than any 2 children have any right to make.

7:00 - send the kids to start bedtime routine

7:45-8:10 - read chapter 3 of Harry Potter 6 to the boys

8:15 - mix a drink of pineapple juice and coconut rum and relax. Log on to the computer and veg.

10:45 - come here.

I have a very boring, tedious life. Don't you wish you were me?

Actually, I shouldn't complain, it's nice to have a tedious life. A boring life. A little excitement isn't bad, but it never seems to be a little excitement.

ADD

So Hyperion's teacher finally mentioned that she thought he might have ADD. Really? No kidding?

I'm not sure how to handle this. I know I don't want to medicate him. That much I'm positive about. He is doing well in school. He's an A-B student, but he is having behavioral issues. I'm afraid he is preventing other kids from doing as well as they should. There will be some discussions in the Gaia household this weekend.

Oceanus is mad at me. He didn't put his soccer shirt in the dirty laundry and I just realized it today. I've already done the week's laundry. I made him gather what was left and then I walked him through washing it. He didn't think it was fair that I made him wash my clothes too. I pointed out that we still weren't washing a full load and that was wasteful. I told him that if he had put it where it belonged, it would have been washed with the regular clothes and we wouldn't be wasting energy and water washing a partial load.

Homemade Donuts

Tanya the Art Butcher has posted an entry about homemade donuts and how ugly they are when you improvise. This brought back some fun memories.

My grandmother was a country woman. She sniffed snuff (before I was born, but still). Most people think of Copenhagen and tins of moist crumbles of tobacco when they hear snuff. But snuff started out as a sniff-able product. It looks like cinnamon - same color, same consistency and was meant to be sniffed like cocaine. This kind of snuff came in small tumblers (I think it still does, actually, just plastic tumblers). These were the glasses we kids used at my granny's. (you can see examples here).

She would roll out the donut dough on the kitchen table (a formica topped metal atrocity that is highly collectible these days, but was used to the point of falling apart) and then use a snuff glass (about 3" in diameter) to cut out the donuts. She'd grab a small pill bottle and use that to cut out the holes.

Then over to the propane stove and the cast iron skillet to fry them in hot bacon grease. Which sounds disgusting, but was actually really quite good.

Bug Hill Update

I haven't mentioned the preacher's wife in a while. She's due May 14 which makes her about 28 weeks along. She's really getting big. Her new joke is to answer the question "How far along are you" with "56 weeks - 28 weeks times 2 babies". Most people don't get it - they don't think about 9 months equals 40 weeks (I know, it's really 39 but details) and get that 56 weeks puts her past full term.

She does look full term.

She's starting to think about the fact that she will have 9 kids under the age of 13. She told me that Michelle Duggar is pregnant again. That if Michelle can handle 17 (and possibly 18 kids, we haven't heard if it is for sure a singleton pregnancy) surely she can handle 9 and she must be a failure to feel worried. I reminded her that she breastfeeds until her kids are 2 years old (even when that means tandem nursing), that she cloth diapers. That she hangs all her laundry on the line. That she does not put her older kids in charge of a younger child or make them do most of the housework. She hasn't seen any of the TLC shows on the Duggars and hasn't really read much about them. She didn't realize that she does a much more intensive style of parenting than Michelle.

I told her that it's okay if she feels overwhelmed and to be sure to take any offers of help from anyone. And then I offered to have regular playdates with her 3 kids that are around the same age as my boys. I think I may be nuts. Playdates with 5 kids? Of course, her kids don't get to play videogames at home - how bad will it be if I let them veg in front of the Wii after their homework is done? I don't think she's against videogames, necessarily, they just don't have them. But I don't think I'm going to ask.

Soccer - or the need to be aggressive

So, Hyperion's first game ended up being a forfeit - only 2 people from his team showed up. Sigh. But they went ahead and shared players from the other team and scrimmaged. Watching those kids was a lot of fun. Wherever that ball went, they went.

Oceanus' game had all the players there (one too sick to play, but still there). His team would not cross the half way point if the other team had the ball. They'd hold back by their goal and wait for the other team to bring it to them. No matter how many times we said "go get the ball" they'd hold back.

Consequently they lost. 7-2. Poor Oceanus played goalie and let in 3 goals (one was a penalty shot and his team totally didn't get what was happening to help him out).

I think I could learn a lot watching this. I've been complacent in my life. I've waited for the ball to come to me. My current job is somewhat an example of this. Yes, I did go after it - to the point where I went completely outside of my comfort zone and asked everyone I knew if they knew someone hiring parttime and carrying resumes with me everywhere. But now that I have it, I can't be aggressive. I find myself terrified to make the wrong choice, so I don't make a choice at all.

My job is safe. I don't have to do much - other than put up with a boss who can be an asshole and a coworker who is more than willing to stab everyone else in the back. I'm not doing what I want to do because it's too hard. It's too hard to fight the good ol' boys club. I'm not aggressive enough to take them all on. BUT!! There is a way around them. I can start my own business.

So, it's time to do that. To set some goals and set a timeline to achieve them.

Coming soon - goals and a timeline.

Overheard this morning

Oceanus: "Where are all our clothes?"

Mr. Gaia: "Ummm ... maybe mom put them away?"

Oceanus: "You're right Dad. That's weird."

I told the kids that was their Valentine's gift from me. They were NOT impressed. Hyperion had the nerve to say "Well, it's only one time".

Mr. Gaia said "what got into you? Did you run the dishwasher and unload it?"

I had hoped that they would do a little more cleaning while I had to work late today and Mr. Gaia was home with them. But that didn't happen. Maybe this weekend.

Starting (I hope) a new tradition

In the morning, I family will awake to find that I have done some chores for them. For my kids, they will find their clothes put away correctly - hung up or folded neatly in drawers. DH will find his clothes neatly folded and ready to put away.

DH will also find his baking mess cleaned up and possibly (if I stay up late enough) the dishwasher unloaded.

I'm hoping this will start a new tradition of everyone doing chores for someone else for a holiday.

Well, a girl can dream right?

Regardless, I make a pledge to continue this tradition for my family.

Monday Rants

1) Coworkers that are so annoying. So, we apparently had a power outage that fried something. I have no idea what it fried, but it made our breaker flip from time to time. The breaker with our server (which was connected to a UPS, thank goodness), my printer and I have no idea what else. The first time it flipped, I was trying to print something. As in, I couldn't do anything until my printer was working. So when annoying coworker said she knew what to do I figured "okay, learn what it is in case it happens when she isn't here, I can't do anything else." Pissed her all off and she griped at me for not doing my job. Hello! I can't do my job until this is fixed.

The 2nd time it flipped, we had a client come in and I was on my way to tell the boss that they were there. My way to his office happened to pass by the breaker box (this is the way I always take and so does everyone else). I heard the beep and said "wow, did it flip again?" and she again says "I've got it, you need to concentrate on your own job". That time I called her on it "Excuse me, I'm on my way to the boss to tell him his appointment is here" "Whatever" says she in the most disbelieving tone imaginable. So I walk straight to boss' office, which is in her hearing and tell him they are there and reviewing their documents and I'd come let him know when they were ready for him.

The 3rd time happened when I realized that there were no pens in the conference room. Well, these clients were going to be signing documents. They need pens. DUH. The breaker box happens to be in the supply room. So, I walk to the supply room to get the pens and I'm told, by her, that she's already spoken to the boss and he agrees that I need to be concentrating on my own job. "Okay, I'm getting pens so my clients can sign their documents".

So, later on they realize a folder is missing from the server. Now, I have a good idea what happened to the folder. Most likely someone accidently dragged it into another folder when they were trying to open it. I have no intention of dropping my work (remember I've now been dressed down 3 times for it) so I say "look in the folders around it, it probably got accidently dragged into one". Coworker 2 did that and found it. Coworker 1, didn't even try and instead made a bitchy comment about me butting in. Okay, so would you rather I not give you a clue? Seriously.

2) DHs that delete things from the DVR without asking first. He knows full well that I delete after watching something. He knew I didn't watch it live.

3) People that have so many kids that their older kids raise their younger kids.

4) People who think that college is bad for their girls.

5) People who think saying "all your job and familial secrets will be exposed" is EXACTLY the same thing as saying "you've revealed enough information here in the last 2 weeks for anyone to find you". They're both threats, you see.

Internet security

Let me say this now - never tell anyone anything online unless you want them to be able to track you down. Even if you don't go by your married name, don't give it on the same site where you've given your state and county.

Someone did that on a site I frequent. It took about 3 seconds to know that the person google pulled up wasn't her. It took about 2 minutes to go to her county site and pull up her marriage license.

In less than 15 minutes I had her home and office phone numbers, a drawing of her house, copies of her mortgage documents, etc.

And I'm not even good at this kind of thing.

People laugh at me because I won't reveal what county I'm in. Sure, I'll reveal my general region, but there are several counties in this region. They laugh because I don't want my first name out there or my last name. I'll be honest - my first and last name are extremely common. Beyond common. Except down here. They're extremely anglo and this is an hispanic area - not many anglo names here.

Of course, googling my name will never turn up my phone number because I use a cell only. But if you knew my county, you'd be able to find my deed information and my dh's name. It would be like shooting fish in a barrel.

So seriously, if you don't want to be tracked down, never reveal anything.

Fucking Blogger

I didn't want to move to the damn new blogger. But did it give me a choice? Nope.

I hate things that make me fucking change.

Bug Hill Update

Valentine's day is next week. I'm not sure what V-Day is like in a large high school, but here it is something else. All the girls will get at least one flower arrangement (parents will buy for their girls so they aren't left out) and many will get multiples.

So, the school and the flower shops are working together to get their protocol in place. This involves very careful planning to organize times for delivery. They've tried it all - flower shops requiring orders at least 24 hours in advance for delivery, restricting deliveries to certain times, etc. Nothing ever works. Girls will drag flowers, balloons and candy from class to class. Some classes will be so full of flowers and balloons, the kids won't be able to see the teacher.

I don't have girls and thank goodness. I wouldn't want my girl to be left out, so I'd be one of those parents sending flowers. And those are so expensive. Some of the families have lobbied to stop all deliveries to the school and insist that they be done to homes after school. The flower shops point out (I'm sure truthfully) that this would severely impact their business.

In a small community you're constantly trying to balance everything. We can see that deliveries impact learning for that day. It impacts the pocketbooks of the parents and teens. But stopping it would mean that our flower shops would probably be forced to go out of business. It truly is their largest business day. Even bigger than prom. So we have to decide if we want to lose businesses in our community (which has shrunk way too much over the past few years) or decide that one day of reduced instruction in school just isn't that big of a deal.

Clearly, so far we've decided that it's just one day.

Now I just have to decide what Mr. Gaia is getting.

For funsies

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland   "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The West
Boston
The South
North Central
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The Inland North
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

LOL - I'm from Oklahoma but everyone always says "that's not an Oklahoma accent. I tell them it's a TV accent - I watched too much as a kid. It drives my mom nuts that I say "soda" instead of "pop" (or "coke") and "bag" instead of "sack".

Defrosting the Freezer

So, somebody (and really we have no clue who it was, it could have been any of us) didn't fully shut the freezer door. It wasn't open enough that anything thawed, even part way, but it was open enough that condensation formed and froze and suddenly shutting the door was getting hard.

So, it was time to defrost it. We got a manual defrost because it uses less energy and there's less chance of freezer burn. Food stays better longer because it isn't subjected to periodic partial thawing. However, we had never defrosted it. We've moved twice since we bought it and it got defrosted during the moves.

We had no idea how much water this process entails. I hadn't done laundry that week, so I had dirty towels. But, it wasn't enough. We were chipping away the ice to help reduce the amount of water. We wrung out the towels so many times my arms started to really hurt.

In the end we now have a clean freezer. We found a lamb roast we'd forgotten about and rediscovered all the grains, etc we keep. We can now go into the freezer and see what we have an menu plan. What a novel idea!

My only question? How the hell did a button that fell off my skirt over a year ago end up in the freezer? Any ideas? Do other freezers have the socks that are lost in washers?

Sunday Random Thoughts

1) I watched "Cover Girl" with Rita Hayworth and Gene Kelly last night. Who does Gene Kelly remind me of? Is there a new actor that looks like him? I'm pretty sure I haven't seen any of his other movies (yes, I had a deprived childhood, I'm working on it now, okay?)

2) Wholegrain pancakes can be really good. The key is real vanilla (which we get cheap from Mexico, one of the perks of living in South Texas).

3) Superbowl Sunday sucks. There is nothing decent on TV, not even any good old movies. I've watched all the movies I taped (except "The Blues Brothers" and a couple I taped for the kids). I'm one minute away from watching "The Producers" which I suspect Mr. Gaia taped for us to watch together.

4) Yes, by "taped" I mean recorded on the DVR. Yes, I'm a dinosaur.

5) Speaking of dinosaur, Mr. Gaia and I are the same age. How is it that he makes me feel so ancient when I mention songs from HS - like "Armegeddon it" and "(That Girl is) Poison". He barely even seems to recognized the names of the groups - Def Leppard and Bel Biv Devoe. We won't even mention the look he gave me when I mentioned "Funky Cold Medina".

6) I really want another cat. I want a cute, cuddly kitten.

7) Speaking of cute, cuddly kittens, is there a reason why "The Closer" chose to use kittens that were several weeks old to stand in for what were supposed to be newborn kittens? Their eyes were open for cryin' out loud.

8) And is it asking too much for medical dramas to get their facts straight when discussing pregnancy and birth. A woman who was raped one week before is most likely not going to test positive on a pregnancy test unless they are using a very, very sensitive test. Plus, that would be too early for a surgical abortion given that the fetus likely isn't even implanted yet.

9) There are reasons people might choose not to have their preteen child get the HPV vaccine other than that they don't want them to think it's a free pass to have sex. Let's just say I'm glad I have boys and it isn't a decision I have to make just yet. After the rotavirus vaccine issue, I'm quite skeptical of new vaccines. My kids are (now) fully vaccinated except for the prevnar vaccine.

10) In fact, if I had a girl and chose to get this vaccine, I doubt I'd tell her much about it. For one thing, this vaccine doesn't prevent all cervical cancers (and believe me, I'd tell her that) and clearly doesn't protect against AIDS and other STDs.

11) I am glad, though, that insurance companies will have to pay for the vaccine in Texas. I just wish there were a better way to make them pay for it other than mandating all school girls get the vaccine (yes, you can opt out, but it isn't the easiest procedure known to man).

Random acts of kindness

I try to do random acts of kindness. Sometimes I don't succeed. Sometimes, I succeed even when I don't mean to.

The day of the seminar I apparently performed a random act of kindness. As we were leaving I asked someone I knew if they noticed he never mentioned his son. One of the ladies said "maybe he's gay". I said "there are worse things to be" (which I still don't like because it implies that I think there is something wrong with being gay). Unbeknownst to me, one of the ladies in the group has a son who is gay and she hasn't told anyone. I didn't know her son was gay.

She called my coworker to ask if I knew her son was gay. She thought I was sticking up for her. I made her feel better for saying what I said.

You never know when something you say is going to be just the thing someone else needs to hear.

Nintendo Wii

Can I just say this thing is just a bit twee?

Okay, so it's called the Wii. The commercials are "Wii would like to play". The game controller is called a "wii-mote. Then you create a mini you called a (what else?) Mii.

Could it be any more twee? Or should that be twii?

Increased Expectations

So Hyperion is in 1st grade. He's a smart little boy. He grasps math concepts almost intuitively. His teacher says his vocabularly is shocking. She says he always knows the science answers (well, it is earth science which is my "specialty" so I would hope so).

However, he needs special help in reading. He just isn't "getting it". I agreed to the tutoring, whatever. He isn't made fun of and he doesn't mind it. But I've been paying special attention to the books he reads, especially for AR (accelerated reader). I told Mr. Gaia that it looked to me like it was right where he should be based upon how easily he was reading the books at the 1.8+ level.

At the beginning of the semester they tested the kids' reading levels. Today we got the results. He's at level 1.6 - that means he tests at the average level for a 1st grader after 6 months in school. Let's see, school started the middle of August, it's now the beginning of February (and they tested in the middle of January) which by my math means that he's now been in 1st grade for 5.5 months.

So he needs tutoring because he is right where he should be?

Kids today

We've all heard the small town joke, right? "My town was so small, the local high school had sex ed and drivers' ed in the same car". Ha ha ha. Actually we all thought it was pretty funny and told it a lot. That is until we came back to school on one Monday and there was a used condom in the drivers' ed car. Ick. At least they were having safe sex?

Teenage pregnancy was very common when I was in High School. I don't remember a single class where there wasn't a pregnant girl somewhere in the room. Small town = nothing to do = lots of drinking and sex. And apparently not safe sex.

Judging from the kids I see today, if they are having sex, they're having safe sex. It's a rare thing for to see a pregnant girl and this town is really small with nothing to do - just like my hometown.

There's a lot of discussion among certain politicians about what kind of sex ed should be taught in school. That kids should receive abstinence only education. That teaching them about contraception will make them more likely to engage in risky behavior and more sex. I have no idea if this is true. Teenagers are notoriously shy about admitting when they are having sex - especially if they know they are going to be harshly judged for not being a virgin. How do you know if they are telling the truth about having sex or not? If they don't get pregnant or have a disease, you can't tell. Well, I guess you can give a girl a gyn test and get an idea, but um yeah ...

Let's examine the difference between the town I grew up in and the town I live in now. In my hometown, "good girls didn't" and that was our sex ed until AIDS came on the scene. After AIDS we were told that condoms don't work that effectively and the only thing you should do is abstain. In my current town, the sex ed is very progressive and comprehensive. Boys and girls in this town can tell you everything you could ever want to know about safe sex. They aren't ashamed to go to the health department for condoms (including flavored condoms - yes for oral sex, they even understand the importance of safe oral sex). They will tell you that sex is sex is sex and the presence of a hymen does not make you a virgin if you've had oral or anal sex. They are shocked when they hear a girl say she's saving her virginity for marriage when they know that she's had oral sex.

When I was in jr high (it wasn't called middle school then) Brannon James showed me a condom in his wallet. He was bragging. It was a huge thing. I laughed at the thought of 12yo Brannon James having sex with anyone. Yeah, that pissed him off. Now, I'm told, everyone has condoms. There are, apparently, kids who take bags of them to parties and hand them out to everyone. I think that's a great attitude, myself. And I can tell you, if someone is going to have sex, they will do it with or without a condom. The presence of a condom isn't going to make someone more likely to have sex or not.

Do I want my boys having sex when they're teenagers? Not really. I don't think most teenagers are ready to deal with the emotional fallout of sex. But I'm not going to freak out if they do - unless, of course, they are not using protection and I find out they are pressuring girls to have sex with them.

Next Blog

Shall we discuss the "Next Blog" button? I love this button. I use it a lot. I've found a TON of great blogs by hitting it. For instance:

Tanya the Art Butcher you gotta love a woman who can not only draw her muse, but quilt it as well, and we won't even get into her wit.

Stoic Zebra yeah, like seeing someone wear a zebra head doesn't make you stop and look and then she can write too! (Oops, apparently zebra is a he. I'm sure it's my fault for not reading past the first page. My apologies Zebra. Still, it's a good blog.)

The Green Mommy, well, gee, I can't imagine why I liked her blog. She says the things I want to say, but in a much more organized way.

Edited to add one I can't believe I forgot! Bad Mom, Good Mom If you knit or do any kind of fabric craft, you have to check this blog. This is one of my first finds. And every time I've killed a computer (3 times in 6 months) hers is one of the first blogs I search for (because of course I don't have my favorites saved - that would make just too much sense).

I always wonder what other great blogs I'm missing. As I hit "Fergie's Shorts" "Girls, Girls, Girls" "Bestest Blog Ever", etc 5, 6, 7 times in a half hour session. How DOES blogger work that next blog button? It's hard to believe it's truly random when you hit the same blogs over and over and over.

The destructive power of ice

These are pics taken near McAlester, Oklahoma. These pics are from an area that didn't get the full brunt.

The first one? Breaks my heart. The tree on the ground is a redbud tree. This is "my tree". I harvested blossoms from this tree as a kid. When I made "salads" the seed pods were an integral part. I picked 4 leaf clovers from underneath it (did you know 4 leaf clovers usually grow in patches?), until they were killed with broadleaf herbicide to make way for bermudagrass.

At this point, there is probably not a single spot in Oklahoma that hasn't been hit by a major ice storm in the last 10 years.

Pictures actually taken in McAlester show the city bradford pears broken into 3 and 4 pieces.

Can I say how happy I am to live in the subtropics? I've done my share of ice storms.

But they do have their pretty side:

Chez Gaia

Today in our house Mr. Gaia made pancakes (lots of extras to freeze for breakfast for the boys this week).

I did laundry (2 loads on the clothesline, one still in the washer and will probably have to go into the dryer since the clothesline won't hold more). One more load of laundry left and it's all done. Then we have to put it all away. Sigh.

During the laundry time, I baked bread. 2 loaves that should last this week and maybe most of next week, depending upon how much Mr. Gaia eats.

Baking time means cleaning the counters. I do clean them regularly, but I'm the only one so they tend to get messy and cluttered. When I told Mr. Gaia I couldn't bake bread until they were clean, he did get busy and they were decluttered very, very quickly. The kitchen is actually mostly clean now. So nice.

Then bathtime for me while the kids get to play with their xmas Wii (only uses 53 watts - less than a typical lightbulb, that's pretty good for a game system). I don't use a hairdryer and have long hair, so an early bath is nice to give the hair time to dry so I don't sleep on wet hair and don't start the day with wet hair.

What didn't happen? Hyperion DIDN'T do any reading. Sigh. He needs to practice. Oceanus read tons - he just got Harry Potter 6 and is devouring it. It kills him that I won't let him tell me what is happening. I hope he doesn't get too upset when Dumbledore dies.

I sure hope Hyperion learns to love reading as much as the rest of the family. It will be very lonely and sad for him if he doesn't.

We hope to have Soccer practice this week. If it doesn't rain (please no rain tomorrow, so my clothes can dry).

Why is Everyone So Angry

I'll tell you why I'm angry. Because in a seminar on how to deal with problem customers this was the response we were told to use when we hear "Can I speak to a man?" "Sir, I assure you I am well qualified" and to then list our qualifications. Why? Because what the man is saying is that he doesn't think you're qualified. (actual quote from the seminar leader)So, because he's a sexist pig who thinks a woman can't be qualified, I need to validate that belief by defending my qualifications? So that he is free to think "women aren't qualified with the exception of a rare few"? I'm sorry, that's simply not fucking good enough.

Another thing that bugged me is one of his examples of honor and respect:
A man and wife were filling out enrollment forms to enroll their kids in elementary school. They came to the question about occupation and she wrote "housewife". He looked at it and said "Honey, you're not a house wife, you're MY wife". Ummm, okay. I can't see how that honors or respects her. He should have said "family manager" "indispensible - without you we'd all fall apart" etc. THAT'S honor and respect. THAT'S seeing her as a competant person who isn't defined by him.

I know I learned some useful things, but the sexist attitudes towards women has blanked them out.

I also realized that I've been on the internet just a little too long. All of his jokes and most of his illustrations? I saw a long time ago via email. And most I'd seen a minimum of 4 times. It's really hard to laugh at something for the 5th+ time. Or act touched by the story of the teacher who had her class write something nice about everyone there or the story of the guy saved from committing suicide by one small act of kindness. It also makes you wonder what the hell when he believes these stories are absolutely true.

Birthday Party

I went to a nice birthday party yesterday. Nice family, nice kids. Loud - but then 6-7yos usually are.

I saw a little girl that looked like she should be mine. She looked just like me. Made my heart hurt. When she stood next to Oceanus, they looked just alike.

But you know what? Other than a moment of "that could be my child" angst, I was fine. No biggie. Maybe this hole is closing.

Brrrrr, it's cold in the subtropics

No ice here, yet. Please God, no ice. I really, really, really want a heater right now. I go to work to get warm.

To help with not having a heater, I made a big pot of chicken soup this week. It started Saturday when DH baked some organic chickens (unfortunately, our only source here is Sam's, but the price is good). After we had a meal, he picked off the easy to obtain meat and then put the bones in the freezer. Monday, I threw the bones in a pot with granulated garlic and dried onions and boiled hell out of them. Tuesday, I strained the broth and then set about picking out the meat, added fresh onion, organic celery and carrots. OMS, it was sooo good. We add the salt after it is cooked because DH doesn't like much salt and has blood pressure issues.

I had leftover today. You know a good chicken soup when it cools. Mine is so rich, it actually gels in the refrigerator. It looks like chicken flavored jello. Yummy.

Today, I started a huge pot of organic beans. Dried onions, garlic and black pepper. No salt while cooking because that makes the beans tough. DH and the kids had smashed beans for supper, I opted for a nap and then leftovers after I woke up. Tomorrow, I'll separate out some of the beans for DH to make chili and then cook the others until very little liquid remains. I'll use the mixer to smash them and then freeze my "refried" beans.

If it contiues to stay cool, I predict more soup making. This way I can freeze enough for good eating during the summer. I like to have good meals in the freezer for summer so we can eat healthy, organic meals without heating up the whole house.

I have an announcement

I haven't had a Dr. Pepper in over a week. Come saturday it will be 2 weeks. I've dealt well, not too many cravings. It helps that stripes did away with their 69 cent special.

My plan is to not pay for it. If it comes with a meal deal (like at Sam's or Costco) or I get it free then it's cool. I was excited on Friday, I had to go to the bank and usually they have treats on friday, but not this friday.

Of course, I'm dealing with my withdrawal by eating lots of chocolates. I figure this will be like smoking - you gain 5-10 pounds before you break the habit.

Things to be thankful for

1) We are not buried under ice

2) We have electricity

3) There is no danger our pipes will freeze.

For all of you who can't say the same, stay warm and I hope this is much more temporary than the ice storm that hit SE Oklahoma Christmas 2000.

We are experiencing cold weather for us. We'll dip down into the 30s. And, ummm, well, we live in the subtropics. Heaters are optional in houses here. Our house? One of the many without a real heater. It is cold in our house. I made a bit pot of chicken soup to add some heat and moisture to the air.

The anxiety attack I had when traveling in colder climes went away with return to home and warmer temperatures. As a family we walked 4+ miles this weekend and I had no trouble breathing. Well, now I'm having trouble breathing again. It's cold temperature induced. I'd be more inclined to suspect asthma, but when I went to the doctor, my oxygen saturation was at 99 - which is very good. Maybe cold weather just triggers my anxiety.

PSA for Bug Hill residents

Edna at "Curl Up and Dye" hair salon won $12,000 at a casino during the holidays. This is great for Edna, not so great for her clients. As we all know from the "pregnant teenage daughter" episode, Edna's emotions really affect her skills.

Poor Joan Smith looks like a french poodle - funky "balls" and all. Theresa Maker found out she has cowlicks. You'd think you'd know this sometime before your 30th birthday, but she'd never had her hair cut that short. She didn't plan to have it cut that short this time.

So, you're taking your chances getting your hair done this week. If at all possible, put off any major changes for a week or so until Edna's emotions settle down.

Barnyard

So "Barnyard" finally made it to the Bug Hill movie theater (well, we only pay $1.50 for tickets, so it's basically the dollar movie you see in cities).

We took the boys to see it, their grandmother insisted we treat them to a movie on her dime. God knows their behavior didn't warrant it.

The movie is cute. I love that the farmer is a vegan. But I have a couple of questions:
1) Why, why, why do the bulls have udders? Is a penis too realistic? Could they perhaps have just put nothing there? Bulls don't have udders. I'm sorry, but they don't. I'm sure they have mammary tissue (they are, after all, mammals) but they don't have udders. Do you know how fun it is to sit in a theater with a bunch of country kids who all yell "why does that bull have teats? Where's its dick?". Yeah.
2) If the farmer is vegan, what are they doing with all those eggs? One little ol' rooster can't possibly mate with all the hens that were in that movie to make fertilized eggs. Ungathered eggs are a health hazard on the farm - they attract rats and snakes.
3) What the hell kind of animal is his sidekick? Bizarre looking thing. Okay, I looked it up, it's supposed to be a ferret. Big damn ferret.

Soooo ... should I write to focus on the family and tell them about this movie? About these lesbian transgender cows (I mean, they have to be female, they have udders) and how it's presented as perfectly normal. I mean it makes more sense that that's what these cows are than that Tinky Winky is gay.

I am an addict

Does it matter that my addiction is only to Dr. Pepper?

Seriously, I've found myself raiding my kids' piggy banks for change for my "fix". I hide my habit from my family. I go out of my way to make sure they have no idea how much I drink. I justify it with "it helps me wake up" "it makes me feel less stressed and work is so stressful right now".

I guess as addictions go, it isn't a bad addiction. It's relatively cheap and relatively harmless (I'm still not sure about that high fructose corn syrup). But it does bother me that I'm exhibiting classic addict behavior. Whether it bothers me enough that I won't stop at the quick stop tomorrow remains to be seen. However, I can tell you right now, I'm 90% certain you will find me there at 7:50 in the morning, on my way to work.

I'm so tired of the holidays. Trying to figure out who to see when. What to get everyone with what money. Trying to make sure dh doesn't repeat last year and get me bubble bath I HATE just because he likes the smell (yes, he knew I hated it when he bought it, but thought that I would use it "for him" and I did, half the bottle, and I still hate it).

I'm so tired of my job. Too many deadlines, too much that I have to rely on someone else to supply. I have 3 deadlines tomorrow. For one, I'm still waiting on 3 people to get back to me. For another, this is the 3rd time we've hit this point and my boss has dropped the ball, now it's up to me because he's not going to do it. For the other - I've had no real direction on this at all. I have no idea what he needs or wants.

And everyone is pregnant for the holidays. 9 years ago this time I was just starting the pressure to have a baby. I'm set to ovulate at the same time when Oceanus was conceived. Is it so bad that I still want another baby? And that I resent the people around me who are pregnant?

Computer support in Bug Hill

Small towns, what can you say?

No geek squad here (well, I think they'll come, but who wants to pay travel?).

My computer crashed. This is the 2nd computer I've killed in a year. I'm finally back up.

So ...

Bug Hill has been quiet. Thanksgiving was exciting. People we haven't seen for years came home for the holidays. Mrs. Anderson's son Josh admitted that he is gay. I knew it years ago, but I was one of the only ones. I am also one of the few who don't mind it. He's a marvelous guy and I'm glad he's happy. He also brought home his partner, Mark. Mark is funny as hell. I think he's the son Mrs. Anderson always wanted Josh to be.

Molly Albright came home with her children. None of us knew Molly had kids. Mrs. Albright had never told any of us. We found out why. Molly is married to a black man. I'm so ashamed of Mrs. Albright. Rather than tell us her daughter had fallen in love with and married a black man, she just never mentioned Molly again. If asked, she said that Molly was doing fine and living in Nebraska. So far it's neck and neck as to which is the biggest scandal - Molly being in an interracial marriage or Mrs. Albright's having basically disowned her.

This week in Bug Hill

Major drama this week. Did you know that a restaurant with candles is considered "adults only"? Theresa Maker didn't. So when her mother wanted to have a nice family celebration to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary (Theresa's mother and father's), Theresa suggested the new place "La Petite Fleur". The food was supposed to be good, the atmosphere was quiet, it seemed perfect. Theresa's mother, naturally, wanted the whole family to be there, which included Theresa's newborn and 2yo. Theresa mentioned that the 2yo may not be able to wait for food, etc, but she was assured that the rest of the family would help take turns playing outside with little Emily until the food came.

So they planned the dinner. Everyone went in, they ordered food and then Theresa and Emily went outside and played in the parking lot. Eventually Theresa's brother Sean came out and Theresa went in and visited with the family. Then Theresa's husband, Michael went out and Sean came in. Then the food finally got there. Emily was happy and not in the least antsy. She sat down in her chair, ate her food quietly and then oohed and ahhed with the family as her grandparents opened their gifts. She fell asleep while the adults drank coffee and visited more.

This was the talk of the whole town. How dare Theresa have subjected those other diners to her CHILD. Didn't Theresa know that the candles and price meant that this was a place for adults and that other adults shouldn't even have to SEE her child. Nevermind hear her voice mixed with the rest of the family's.

Those of us that were there and point out that Emily was a perfect angel are told that that doesn't matter at all. They had PAID for a babysitter and had the RIGHT to expect a child-free evening and shouldn't have had to see her at all.

Whatever says I. Emily was an angel. Her parents paid for her food (which she ate and enjoyed in spite of the fact that "this restaurant does not have a children's menu").

Poor Theresa though, she's being hounded and called rude. I reminded her that those people were rude and that most of them felt they had the RIGHT not to have to hear spanish or see an interracial couple.

Well, it's October

Every single year in October, I get pregnancy symptoms. I'm nauseated. My boobs hurt. I'm exhausted. Every single year. More than once, I've bought a pregnancy test because I was convinced that I must be pregnant.

This year, I watched my fertility signs and I'm almost convinced I ovulated at least twice, maybe three times. I'm only almost convinced because I'm just going off cervical mucus, I didn't chart temps, etc.

Now, I wonder if I don't do this every year. Each released egg leaves behind a follicle which releases progesterone. Pregnancy symptoms are caused by an increase in progesterone. So now I'm left wondering if I were to get pregnant in October, if I would conceive twins.

So now, even though I know I'm not pregnant, I'll still wonder. By my calculations, I ovulated the first time 2 weeks ago on Friday, the last time 2 weeks ago come Thursday. So, if no period by Thursday, I'll be stressed thinking I must be pregnant.

Sigh

I finally start getting some nice clothes and the dryer starts to destroy them. My only cami, the one I need to go under my pink sweater and my tunic, now has a majorly stretched out strap. Figuring I had nothing to lose, I took it apart (just the one strap). I figure I wear it under things, not by itself, so I'm painstakingly fixing the strap. I joined the ends under the arm (which didn't get stretched out) to be the new strap over the shoulder. I'll sew the stretched out ends under the arm. If it looks bad? I'll tear it apart, and the other one too and find some ribbon that matches and sew it on. Then I can wear it by itself (if I get a wide enough ribbon).

This, this is why I don't use the dryer. I got sucked into by DH. This was my reminder - the dryer is evil.

I also planted my fall/winter garden today. Carrots, radishes, lettuce, bok choi, arugula, spinach, and kale. Wonderful foods that we love and use this time of year. Now I just need to remember to water them every day until they sprout and get established.

This week in Bug Hill

So, the Mayor's daughter is no longer pregnant. The rumor, of course, is that she had an abortion. I don't know if that's true, but as far as I know, she didn't leave town, and there's no way you're getting an abortion anywhere local.

The preacher's wife is soooo sick. Her OB sent her for an ultrasound to "date the pregnancy". Yeah, you see where this is going. She's having twins. I'd already finished 2 pairs of baby socks for the Mayor's daughter, so now I'm making more for the twins. Twins! Wow.

Susan Adams is moving out of town. She got a job in "the city". We're all excited for her. Well, okay, we're all just a tad bit jealous, but at the same time feel like she thinks she's better than us. Any of us could move, if we wanted to. Many of us have moved and then came back. Sure, living in the city is fun. I mean, if you want, for instance, Indian food, it's just a short-ish drive away. If you want it here? Yeah, it's at least an hour's drive. But in the end, we missed knowing our neighbors, and our neighbors' business.

Today, I started learning to darn socks. The pair I picked probably weren't the best. The yarn in them is very fine. So my darning looks pretty bad, but at least my toes no longer poke out. It's another way to a sustainable life.

DH made me a garden bed today. I'll plant some kale, spinach, lettuce and bok choi this week. It was cool this weekend, so I made a huge pot of beans and we had beans and cornbread for supper. DH spent the cool time doing yard work. It's a switch of roles for us, usually I do the yardwork and he does the cooking.

Small town life

I live in a small town. The kind with a gas station, a grocery store, a Sonic and about 5 churches (Catholic, Southern Baptist, Methodist, "Holiness" and Church of Christ - not to be confused with UCC).

Now I know a lot of people think living in a small town is dull. And I suppose it could be. But the truth is that I find more excitement living in a small town than I did in a large city (metroplex of 1,000,000+).

This week Doc Wilson got a new car. Now I know, that sounds dull, right? In a large city, people get new cars everyday. But you don't know about it unless you work with them or live on the same block, or maybe if you go to the same church. In a small town? We all knew about it. We all made appointments with Doc Wilson or found other excuses so we could go check it out.

It's a cute little car. He says it won't work for long trips, but it's sure fun to drive. It's an "upscale" sportscar. More of an old person's sports car. Not a ferrari, not a miata. Naw, it's really only a sportscar when you compare it to the Lincoln continentals normally driven by the more elite in our town. But it is cute.

Of course, going to see the car allowed us to catch up on all the other gossip in town. Mayor Zebrowski's daughter is going to have a baby. No one is quite sure who the father is, but we're sure he'll turn up before the baby is due. There's just not that many men in town. We've already divvied up the knitting tasks. Since I've recently learned to make baby socks, I get to make all the socks the baby could need to get it through a winter (yeah, our winter is nonexistent, but details!).

The Southern Baptist Preacher and his wife are expecting another bundle of joy. This makes eight. She claims to be "quiverful". No one is quite sure how many kids are in a quiver, but we're just all glad it's her and not us. Not that the kids aren't well behaved, for kids, but 8 kids under the age of 12 scares us. She's talking about homeschooling them, but always says "as soon as the baby is a little older". Of course, by the time the baby gets a "little older", she is pregnant with the next one. One of the less charitable women asked her how the southern baptist's felt about her teaching her male children, given their belief that women should not teach men. She ignored the woman. Of course, I thought it was a good point, but I would since that's why I'm no longer Southern Baptist.

Thanksgiving

I haven't done a thanksgiving post in a while.

In my life, I'm thankful for:

1) our continued good health

2) the wonderful weather we're having, even if it did rain out the game today, rain is good

3) the grapefruit tree in the backyard laden with fruit ready to ripen in a month or so

4) a wonderful dh

5) relative prosperity and a wonderful dh who agrees how to manage it

6) the fact that we didn't get snow here

7) a very intelligent child, who doesn't fully understand how intelligent he is (so that he's not full of himself)

8) a strong child - even if he is giving me gray hairs, at least I can count on him not to go along with his friends just because

9) good jobs with flexibility

10) good public schools for our kids

11) good friends

Grown up life?

I know that what I'm doing now is not really what I want to do for the rest of my life. It isn't that I don't like what I'm doing. I do. But there are parts I really don't like and it doesn't quite reach the level of "making a difference" that I'd like.

DH's suggestion is to develop my forestry skills and become a certified arborist and then use my skills to help people with their trees.

He suggests being a consulting arborist. This sounds good, in theory. But I'd be self employed, which means I'd have to market myself. I'd also have to follow through on things. I'm not the best at self-motivating, which this would require.

I don't need to decide right now. And even if I do decide to do it, it will take some time to act. I would need to find a certified arborist test date, study for the test and pass the test. Then I would need to study more. I'd probably spend quite a bit of time with DH testing my skills. This is what he does, so he would be able to train me.

The boys are old enough to spend afternoons at the boys and girls club. Which is just a drop in, come when you want program. I could work my regular hours at my regular job and then if I have an appointment to consult on trees, I could drop them off to do their homework and then play with the other kids while I took care of my appointment.

I'm still thinking about it, but I think I've decided to at least give it a go.

Baby sock pattern?

So, I finished the baby blanket and now I'm looking for a good baby sock pattern. The problem is that I have promised not to buy new supplies, so I'm stuck with heavy weight yarn and dpn (double pointed needles) that are just a tad too large. I need a baby sock knitted in the round that has no more than 20 stitches. I can find that on 2 needles but I'm not interested in sewing a seam.

I'm experimenting some and hope that the 24 stitch sock will work. If not, I have toddlers I can give them too, but I hate to give a toddler man-made fiber socks. Socks should be natural fibers so that they don't overheat little tootsies too much and so they stand up to wear a little better.

Wow, October already!

When did that happen? I had such plans for September and didn't accomplish any of them. I seriously need to get out there and plan my fall garden and get it in. We still have plenty of time (I could call it a winter garden, I suppose).

I've been knitting again. It started by visiting the evil Wal-Mart (we had to have soccer socks and Target was out) where I came across the most sumptious yarn on sale. My cousin had a baby recently and I've been meaning to start on a blanket for her, but had no yarn.

I enjoy knitting. It's a nice, old-fashioned, sustainable thing to do. What I don't enjoy is the yarn I can afford - non-natural fibers. Maybe by this time next year we can afford the good stuff.