Monday, December 11, 2006

I am an addict

Does it matter that my addiction is only to Dr. Pepper?

Seriously, I've found myself raiding my kids' piggy banks for change for my "fix". I hide my habit from my family. I go out of my way to make sure they have no idea how much I drink. I justify it with "it helps me wake up" "it makes me feel less stressed and work is so stressful right now".

I guess as addictions go, it isn't a bad addiction. It's relatively cheap and relatively harmless (I'm still not sure about that high fructose corn syrup). But it does bother me that I'm exhibiting classic addict behavior. Whether it bothers me enough that I won't stop at the quick stop tomorrow remains to be seen. However, I can tell you right now, I'm 90% certain you will find me there at 7:50 in the morning, on my way to work.

I'm so tired of the holidays. Trying to figure out who to see when. What to get everyone with what money. Trying to make sure dh doesn't repeat last year and get me bubble bath I HATE just because he likes the smell (yes, he knew I hated it when he bought it, but thought that I would use it "for him" and I did, half the bottle, and I still hate it).

I'm so tired of my job. Too many deadlines, too much that I have to rely on someone else to supply. I have 3 deadlines tomorrow. For one, I'm still waiting on 3 people to get back to me. For another, this is the 3rd time we've hit this point and my boss has dropped the ball, now it's up to me because he's not going to do it. For the other - I've had no real direction on this at all. I have no idea what he needs or wants.

And everyone is pregnant for the holidays. 9 years ago this time I was just starting the pressure to have a baby. I'm set to ovulate at the same time when Oceanus was conceived. Is it so bad that I still want another baby? And that I resent the people around me who are pregnant?

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