Monday, September 18, 2006

An open letter to designers of women's restrooms

To Whom it May Concern:

I have noticed some issues with your restrooms these days.

#1 - Women want a place to put their purse. I understand that there are theft concerns with hanging a purse on a door, but how about a hook on the wall behind the toilet? Women do not want to either balance their purse on their knees or put it down on the nasty floor.

#2 - The toilet paper dispenser needs to be above the level of the toilet. A the bottom of the dispenser should be a MINIMUM of 3 feet above the floor. Don't make us have to bend all the way over and reach down to within 18" of the floor for our toilet paper.

#3 - I applaud the automatic sensors on toilets and sinks. However, it would be nice to be able to turn that feature to delay until the door is opened. It scares little girls. And in the sink taps it would be nice to allow us to regulate the temperature.

#4 - Women don't want to have to touch the door handles. Have you seen how many people don't wash their hands? It's disgusting. We want to either be able to just push out or at least have a paper towel to use to turn the handle.

A woman very tired of poorly designed restrooms.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Personal Peace

I had a breakthrough moment today. We were discussing little boys and I said (and meant it) that little boys are just too precious, that there's just something about a little boy.

Today was a good day. I took the time to get to know my boys as individuals, rather than as my children. I know this is an ongoing process, but today was an important first step.

And then we went grocery shopping. Oye, 2 boys can be so frustrating when shopping. "Can we get this?" "How about this?". I know that it would be the same with any 2 kids, but my two seem particularly adept at it. I was using dh's list, so I wasn't familiar with the items on it. After the 3rd trip down some aisles, I think they were ready to mutiny. *I* was ready to mutiny.

All in all, it was a good day. Which seems somehow wrong to say. Is 5 years long enough to "move on"? Are those families delighting in getting to know their kids today? I hope so.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

September 11

September 11 is a hard day for our family. We remember the attacks and the victims, but it's also a day of celebration for us. Finding the right balance is not always easy.

Celebration because we have a niece, a brother and a cousin all celebrating birthdays today. Lots of birthday gifts and parties.

Also, we celebrate Mahatma Gandhi today

It's not secret that I'm a pacifist. Of the Quaker variety. I immediately recognized what 9/11 would mean in terms of retaliation and immediately started praying that I would be wrong. Clearly I was not. My heart is so very heavy for the 10s of thousands dead Afghani and Iraqi people. People who, contrary to popular belief, are in most cases not freer today than they were 5 years ago. In most places women are afraid to leave their homes and our soldiers are not their friends (you can't train humans to kill, kill, kill and then expect all of them to be able to turn that off).

I wish we could have followed the example of Gandhi. If we were truly a "Christian Nation" we would have. 1st Thessalonians 5:13-15 "... Live in peace with each other. 14And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. " Not to mention Jesus' message of peace, love and forgiveness.

But that's okay, blame the liberals for the godlessness of the US, not the people who don't actually follow the message of Christ.

Friday, September 08, 2006


I make sacrifices every day for DH and the boys.

My biggest sacrifice (as detailed on the blog) is not having a baby girl, ever. His biggest sacrifice is living the subtropics rather than Colorado or Alaska.

He's thrown that in my face a lot. I, on the other hand, do not throw my desire for a girl in his face. I try to never mention it. Of course, I can't hide my reaction to seeing a cute little girl when we're out.

Whenever we've disagreed about which item to buy, I've always given in to what he wants. Right now, I'm in such a funk that I don't want to give in.

That came into play tonight. I actually did give in, but so grudgingly that he knew and I finally admited that I don't like what he picked out. He knocked out at least 5 of my choices for various reasons, I didn't pout of go into a snit.

Frankly, I'm tired of sacrificing all the damn time.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Not Sleeping at night

This is getting serious.

I actually couldn't sleep last night because I am so unhappy with the current situation. It seems like I'm constantly reading of people having baby girls who don't want them or who didn't want to be pregnant in the first place (and really isn't in a situation to have a baby right now).

I feel like I resent my boys because I don't have a girl. I don't know if that's true or not. I feel like I could be a better mom if I had this hole filled. But that's just stupid, right? Having another child would just add to the stress and make things harder, right?

I used to put myself to sleep dreaming about a little girl. I have to stop that. It's only making things worse. I can't have a little girl so stop dreaming about it.

DH wants a vasectomy. I haven't said no. If he doesn't want more kids then I can't make him. But I know that when he does, a part of me will die. Right now, there is always that slim chance that I could get pregnant. If he has a vasectomy, that slim chance will be pretty much nil (yes, I know people who have gotten pregnant after a vasectomy, but they aren't that common).

I hate myself for feeling like this. And I don't feel like it's something I can discuss with DH because I knew going into the marriage he only wanted 2 kids. It wouldn't be fair to make him make a choice like this when he already told me his choice.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

My friend Amy

I realized the other day that my life has always had an Amy in it, and when it hasn't, it's been bland and I've felt lost.

In grade school and jr high, I had Amy Bernasky. We were friends, then we weren't, then we were friendly, then she moved. High School is kind of a daze for me. I did good in school, but knew I didn't belong there, but wasn't sure where I did belong.

In jr college, I had Amy Bales. Amy and I were pretty friendly freshman year. Sophomore year we took physics together and studied together 1st semester but pretty much drifted apart 2nd semester.

We went to the same university, but by then I had met current dh and didn't really take times to stay friends and she didn't really seem to want to be all that friendly either.

The summer between junior and senior years I met Amethyst Shields (an Amy because apparently few people can pronounce Amethyst, go figure). Amy just had a bday but I haven't spoken to her since that summer. Which sucks. There we were 2 young kids on a mountain, in a log cabin with no tv, no radio and no telephone. It was an hour to anything resembling civilization. We grew close (not that way, I don't know *any* women who grew close that way, despite what porn mags tell you) but she moved on to Kansas and I moved in with current DH.

I went almost 3 years before I met my current Amy. Amy Elaine. Amy and I are still friends despite me having moved twice since we met. We met at a job which we both hated but would probably still be at if they hadn't laid us all off. I'm trying to get Amy to come visit me. I think she'd like it down here, but so far it hasn't worked out. I haven't seen her in 2 years now. We keep in touch via email.