Things to be thankful for

1) We are not buried under ice

2) We have electricity

3) There is no danger our pipes will freeze.

For all of you who can't say the same, stay warm and I hope this is much more temporary than the ice storm that hit SE Oklahoma Christmas 2000.

We are experiencing cold weather for us. We'll dip down into the 30s. And, ummm, well, we live in the subtropics. Heaters are optional in houses here. Our house? One of the many without a real heater. It is cold in our house. I made a bit pot of chicken soup to add some heat and moisture to the air.

The anxiety attack I had when traveling in colder climes went away with return to home and warmer temperatures. As a family we walked 4+ miles this weekend and I had no trouble breathing. Well, now I'm having trouble breathing again. It's cold temperature induced. I'd be more inclined to suspect asthma, but when I went to the doctor, my oxygen saturation was at 99 - which is very good. Maybe cold weather just triggers my anxiety.

PSA for Bug Hill residents

Edna at "Curl Up and Dye" hair salon won $12,000 at a casino during the holidays. This is great for Edna, not so great for her clients. As we all know from the "pregnant teenage daughter" episode, Edna's emotions really affect her skills.

Poor Joan Smith looks like a french poodle - funky "balls" and all. Theresa Maker found out she has cowlicks. You'd think you'd know this sometime before your 30th birthday, but she'd never had her hair cut that short. She didn't plan to have it cut that short this time.

So, you're taking your chances getting your hair done this week. If at all possible, put off any major changes for a week or so until Edna's emotions settle down.

Barnyard

So "Barnyard" finally made it to the Bug Hill movie theater (well, we only pay $1.50 for tickets, so it's basically the dollar movie you see in cities).

We took the boys to see it, their grandmother insisted we treat them to a movie on her dime. God knows their behavior didn't warrant it.

The movie is cute. I love that the farmer is a vegan. But I have a couple of questions:
1) Why, why, why do the bulls have udders? Is a penis too realistic? Could they perhaps have just put nothing there? Bulls don't have udders. I'm sorry, but they don't. I'm sure they have mammary tissue (they are, after all, mammals) but they don't have udders. Do you know how fun it is to sit in a theater with a bunch of country kids who all yell "why does that bull have teats? Where's its dick?". Yeah.
2) If the farmer is vegan, what are they doing with all those eggs? One little ol' rooster can't possibly mate with all the hens that were in that movie to make fertilized eggs. Ungathered eggs are a health hazard on the farm - they attract rats and snakes.
3) What the hell kind of animal is his sidekick? Bizarre looking thing. Okay, I looked it up, it's supposed to be a ferret. Big damn ferret.

Soooo ... should I write to focus on the family and tell them about this movie? About these lesbian transgender cows (I mean, they have to be female, they have udders) and how it's presented as perfectly normal. I mean it makes more sense that that's what these cows are than that Tinky Winky is gay.

I am an addict

Does it matter that my addiction is only to Dr. Pepper?

Seriously, I've found myself raiding my kids' piggy banks for change for my "fix". I hide my habit from my family. I go out of my way to make sure they have no idea how much I drink. I justify it with "it helps me wake up" "it makes me feel less stressed and work is so stressful right now".

I guess as addictions go, it isn't a bad addiction. It's relatively cheap and relatively harmless (I'm still not sure about that high fructose corn syrup). But it does bother me that I'm exhibiting classic addict behavior. Whether it bothers me enough that I won't stop at the quick stop tomorrow remains to be seen. However, I can tell you right now, I'm 90% certain you will find me there at 7:50 in the morning, on my way to work.

I'm so tired of the holidays. Trying to figure out who to see when. What to get everyone with what money. Trying to make sure dh doesn't repeat last year and get me bubble bath I HATE just because he likes the smell (yes, he knew I hated it when he bought it, but thought that I would use it "for him" and I did, half the bottle, and I still hate it).

I'm so tired of my job. Too many deadlines, too much that I have to rely on someone else to supply. I have 3 deadlines tomorrow. For one, I'm still waiting on 3 people to get back to me. For another, this is the 3rd time we've hit this point and my boss has dropped the ball, now it's up to me because he's not going to do it. For the other - I've had no real direction on this at all. I have no idea what he needs or wants.

And everyone is pregnant for the holidays. 9 years ago this time I was just starting the pressure to have a baby. I'm set to ovulate at the same time when Oceanus was conceived. Is it so bad that I still want another baby? And that I resent the people around me who are pregnant?

Computer support in Bug Hill

Small towns, what can you say?

No geek squad here (well, I think they'll come, but who wants to pay travel?).

My computer crashed. This is the 2nd computer I've killed in a year. I'm finally back up.

So ...

Bug Hill has been quiet. Thanksgiving was exciting. People we haven't seen for years came home for the holidays. Mrs. Anderson's son Josh admitted that he is gay. I knew it years ago, but I was one of the only ones. I am also one of the few who don't mind it. He's a marvelous guy and I'm glad he's happy. He also brought home his partner, Mark. Mark is funny as hell. I think he's the son Mrs. Anderson always wanted Josh to be.

Molly Albright came home with her children. None of us knew Molly had kids. Mrs. Albright had never told any of us. We found out why. Molly is married to a black man. I'm so ashamed of Mrs. Albright. Rather than tell us her daughter had fallen in love with and married a black man, she just never mentioned Molly again. If asked, she said that Molly was doing fine and living in Nebraska. So far it's neck and neck as to which is the biggest scandal - Molly being in an interracial marriage or Mrs. Albright's having basically disowned her.

This week in Bug Hill

Major drama this week. Did you know that a restaurant with candles is considered "adults only"? Theresa Maker didn't. So when her mother wanted to have a nice family celebration to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary (Theresa's mother and father's), Theresa suggested the new place "La Petite Fleur". The food was supposed to be good, the atmosphere was quiet, it seemed perfect. Theresa's mother, naturally, wanted the whole family to be there, which included Theresa's newborn and 2yo. Theresa mentioned that the 2yo may not be able to wait for food, etc, but she was assured that the rest of the family would help take turns playing outside with little Emily until the food came.

So they planned the dinner. Everyone went in, they ordered food and then Theresa and Emily went outside and played in the parking lot. Eventually Theresa's brother Sean came out and Theresa went in and visited with the family. Then Theresa's husband, Michael went out and Sean came in. Then the food finally got there. Emily was happy and not in the least antsy. She sat down in her chair, ate her food quietly and then oohed and ahhed with the family as her grandparents opened their gifts. She fell asleep while the adults drank coffee and visited more.

This was the talk of the whole town. How dare Theresa have subjected those other diners to her CHILD. Didn't Theresa know that the candles and price meant that this was a place for adults and that other adults shouldn't even have to SEE her child. Nevermind hear her voice mixed with the rest of the family's.

Those of us that were there and point out that Emily was a perfect angel are told that that doesn't matter at all. They had PAID for a babysitter and had the RIGHT to expect a child-free evening and shouldn't have had to see her at all.

Whatever says I. Emily was an angel. Her parents paid for her food (which she ate and enjoyed in spite of the fact that "this restaurant does not have a children's menu").

Poor Theresa though, she's being hounded and called rude. I reminded her that those people were rude and that most of them felt they had the RIGHT not to have to hear spanish or see an interracial couple.

Well, it's October

Every single year in October, I get pregnancy symptoms. I'm nauseated. My boobs hurt. I'm exhausted. Every single year. More than once, I've bought a pregnancy test because I was convinced that I must be pregnant.

This year, I watched my fertility signs and I'm almost convinced I ovulated at least twice, maybe three times. I'm only almost convinced because I'm just going off cervical mucus, I didn't chart temps, etc.

Now, I wonder if I don't do this every year. Each released egg leaves behind a follicle which releases progesterone. Pregnancy symptoms are caused by an increase in progesterone. So now I'm left wondering if I were to get pregnant in October, if I would conceive twins.

So now, even though I know I'm not pregnant, I'll still wonder. By my calculations, I ovulated the first time 2 weeks ago on Friday, the last time 2 weeks ago come Thursday. So, if no period by Thursday, I'll be stressed thinking I must be pregnant.

Sigh

I finally start getting some nice clothes and the dryer starts to destroy them. My only cami, the one I need to go under my pink sweater and my tunic, now has a majorly stretched out strap. Figuring I had nothing to lose, I took it apart (just the one strap). I figure I wear it under things, not by itself, so I'm painstakingly fixing the strap. I joined the ends under the arm (which didn't get stretched out) to be the new strap over the shoulder. I'll sew the stretched out ends under the arm. If it looks bad? I'll tear it apart, and the other one too and find some ribbon that matches and sew it on. Then I can wear it by itself (if I get a wide enough ribbon).

This, this is why I don't use the dryer. I got sucked into by DH. This was my reminder - the dryer is evil.

I also planted my fall/winter garden today. Carrots, radishes, lettuce, bok choi, arugula, spinach, and kale. Wonderful foods that we love and use this time of year. Now I just need to remember to water them every day until they sprout and get established.

This week in Bug Hill

So, the Mayor's daughter is no longer pregnant. The rumor, of course, is that she had an abortion. I don't know if that's true, but as far as I know, she didn't leave town, and there's no way you're getting an abortion anywhere local.

The preacher's wife is soooo sick. Her OB sent her for an ultrasound to "date the pregnancy". Yeah, you see where this is going. She's having twins. I'd already finished 2 pairs of baby socks for the Mayor's daughter, so now I'm making more for the twins. Twins! Wow.

Susan Adams is moving out of town. She got a job in "the city". We're all excited for her. Well, okay, we're all just a tad bit jealous, but at the same time feel like she thinks she's better than us. Any of us could move, if we wanted to. Many of us have moved and then came back. Sure, living in the city is fun. I mean, if you want, for instance, Indian food, it's just a short-ish drive away. If you want it here? Yeah, it's at least an hour's drive. But in the end, we missed knowing our neighbors, and our neighbors' business.

Today, I started learning to darn socks. The pair I picked probably weren't the best. The yarn in them is very fine. So my darning looks pretty bad, but at least my toes no longer poke out. It's another way to a sustainable life.

DH made me a garden bed today. I'll plant some kale, spinach, lettuce and bok choi this week. It was cool this weekend, so I made a huge pot of beans and we had beans and cornbread for supper. DH spent the cool time doing yard work. It's a switch of roles for us, usually I do the yardwork and he does the cooking.

Small town life

I live in a small town. The kind with a gas station, a grocery store, a Sonic and about 5 churches (Catholic, Southern Baptist, Methodist, "Holiness" and Church of Christ - not to be confused with UCC).

Now I know a lot of people think living in a small town is dull. And I suppose it could be. But the truth is that I find more excitement living in a small town than I did in a large city (metroplex of 1,000,000+).

This week Doc Wilson got a new car. Now I know, that sounds dull, right? In a large city, people get new cars everyday. But you don't know about it unless you work with them or live on the same block, or maybe if you go to the same church. In a small town? We all knew about it. We all made appointments with Doc Wilson or found other excuses so we could go check it out.

It's a cute little car. He says it won't work for long trips, but it's sure fun to drive. It's an "upscale" sportscar. More of an old person's sports car. Not a ferrari, not a miata. Naw, it's really only a sportscar when you compare it to the Lincoln continentals normally driven by the more elite in our town. But it is cute.

Of course, going to see the car allowed us to catch up on all the other gossip in town. Mayor Zebrowski's daughter is going to have a baby. No one is quite sure who the father is, but we're sure he'll turn up before the baby is due. There's just not that many men in town. We've already divvied up the knitting tasks. Since I've recently learned to make baby socks, I get to make all the socks the baby could need to get it through a winter (yeah, our winter is nonexistent, but details!).

The Southern Baptist Preacher and his wife are expecting another bundle of joy. This makes eight. She claims to be "quiverful". No one is quite sure how many kids are in a quiver, but we're just all glad it's her and not us. Not that the kids aren't well behaved, for kids, but 8 kids under the age of 12 scares us. She's talking about homeschooling them, but always says "as soon as the baby is a little older". Of course, by the time the baby gets a "little older", she is pregnant with the next one. One of the less charitable women asked her how the southern baptist's felt about her teaching her male children, given their belief that women should not teach men. She ignored the woman. Of course, I thought it was a good point, but I would since that's why I'm no longer Southern Baptist.

Thanksgiving

I haven't done a thanksgiving post in a while.

In my life, I'm thankful for:

1) our continued good health

2) the wonderful weather we're having, even if it did rain out the game today, rain is good

3) the grapefruit tree in the backyard laden with fruit ready to ripen in a month or so

4) a wonderful dh

5) relative prosperity and a wonderful dh who agrees how to manage it

6) the fact that we didn't get snow here

7) a very intelligent child, who doesn't fully understand how intelligent he is (so that he's not full of himself)

8) a strong child - even if he is giving me gray hairs, at least I can count on him not to go along with his friends just because

9) good jobs with flexibility

10) good public schools for our kids

11) good friends

Grown up life?

I know that what I'm doing now is not really what I want to do for the rest of my life. It isn't that I don't like what I'm doing. I do. But there are parts I really don't like and it doesn't quite reach the level of "making a difference" that I'd like.

DH's suggestion is to develop my forestry skills and become a certified arborist and then use my skills to help people with their trees.

He suggests being a consulting arborist. This sounds good, in theory. But I'd be self employed, which means I'd have to market myself. I'd also have to follow through on things. I'm not the best at self-motivating, which this would require.

I don't need to decide right now. And even if I do decide to do it, it will take some time to act. I would need to find a certified arborist test date, study for the test and pass the test. Then I would need to study more. I'd probably spend quite a bit of time with DH testing my skills. This is what he does, so he would be able to train me.

The boys are old enough to spend afternoons at the boys and girls club. Which is just a drop in, come when you want program. I could work my regular hours at my regular job and then if I have an appointment to consult on trees, I could drop them off to do their homework and then play with the other kids while I took care of my appointment.

I'm still thinking about it, but I think I've decided to at least give it a go.

Baby sock pattern?

So, I finished the baby blanket and now I'm looking for a good baby sock pattern. The problem is that I have promised not to buy new supplies, so I'm stuck with heavy weight yarn and dpn (double pointed needles) that are just a tad too large. I need a baby sock knitted in the round that has no more than 20 stitches. I can find that on 2 needles but I'm not interested in sewing a seam.

I'm experimenting some and hope that the 24 stitch sock will work. If not, I have toddlers I can give them too, but I hate to give a toddler man-made fiber socks. Socks should be natural fibers so that they don't overheat little tootsies too much and so they stand up to wear a little better.

Wow, October already!

When did that happen? I had such plans for September and didn't accomplish any of them. I seriously need to get out there and plan my fall garden and get it in. We still have plenty of time (I could call it a winter garden, I suppose).

I've been knitting again. It started by visiting the evil Wal-Mart (we had to have soccer socks and Target was out) where I came across the most sumptious yarn on sale. My cousin had a baby recently and I've been meaning to start on a blanket for her, but had no yarn.

I enjoy knitting. It's a nice, old-fashioned, sustainable thing to do. What I don't enjoy is the yarn I can afford - non-natural fibers. Maybe by this time next year we can afford the good stuff.

An open letter to designers of women's restrooms

To Whom it May Concern:

I have noticed some issues with your restrooms these days.

#1 - Women want a place to put their purse. I understand that there are theft concerns with hanging a purse on a door, but how about a hook on the wall behind the toilet? Women do not want to either balance their purse on their knees or put it down on the nasty floor.

#2 - The toilet paper dispenser needs to be above the level of the toilet. A the bottom of the dispenser should be a MINIMUM of 3 feet above the floor. Don't make us have to bend all the way over and reach down to within 18" of the floor for our toilet paper.

#3 - I applaud the automatic sensors on toilets and sinks. However, it would be nice to be able to turn that feature to delay until the door is opened. It scares little girls. And in the sink taps it would be nice to allow us to regulate the temperature.

#4 - Women don't want to have to touch the door handles. Have you seen how many people don't wash their hands? It's disgusting. We want to either be able to just push out or at least have a paper towel to use to turn the handle.

Sincerely,
A woman very tired of poorly designed restrooms.

Personal Peace

I had a breakthrough moment today. We were discussing little boys and I said (and meant it) that little boys are just too precious, that there's just something about a little boy.

Today was a good day. I took the time to get to know my boys as individuals, rather than as my children. I know this is an ongoing process, but today was an important first step.

And then we went grocery shopping. Oye, 2 boys can be so frustrating when shopping. "Can we get this?" "How about this?". I know that it would be the same with any 2 kids, but my two seem particularly adept at it. I was using dh's list, so I wasn't familiar with the items on it. After the 3rd trip down some aisles, I think they were ready to mutiny. *I* was ready to mutiny.

All in all, it was a good day. Which seems somehow wrong to say. Is 5 years long enough to "move on"? Are those families delighting in getting to know their kids today? I hope so.

September 11

September 11 is a hard day for our family. We remember the attacks and the victims, but it's also a day of celebration for us. Finding the right balance is not always easy.

Celebration because we have a niece, a brother and a cousin all celebrating birthdays today. Lots of birthday gifts and parties.

Also, we celebrate Mahatma Gandhi today http://www.nvpf.org/np/english/workadayforpeace/briefhistory.pdf#search=%22mahatma%20gandhi%20september%2011%201906%22

It's not secret that I'm a pacifist. Of the Quaker variety. I immediately recognized what 9/11 would mean in terms of retaliation and immediately started praying that I would be wrong. Clearly I was not. My heart is so very heavy for the 10s of thousands dead Afghani and Iraqi people. People who, contrary to popular belief, are in most cases not freer today than they were 5 years ago. In most places women are afraid to leave their homes and our soldiers are not their friends (you can't train humans to kill, kill, kill and then expect all of them to be able to turn that off).

I wish we could have followed the example of Gandhi. If we were truly a "Christian Nation" we would have. 1st Thessalonians 5:13-15 "... Live in peace with each other. 14And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. " Not to mention Jesus' message of peace, love and forgiveness.

But that's okay, blame the liberals for the godlessness of the US, not the people who don't actually follow the message of Christ.

Sacrifices

I make sacrifices every day for DH and the boys.

My biggest sacrifice (as detailed on the blog) is not having a baby girl, ever. His biggest sacrifice is living the subtropics rather than Colorado or Alaska.

He's thrown that in my face a lot. I, on the other hand, do not throw my desire for a girl in his face. I try to never mention it. Of course, I can't hide my reaction to seeing a cute little girl when we're out.

Whenever we've disagreed about which item to buy, I've always given in to what he wants. Right now, I'm in such a funk that I don't want to give in.

That came into play tonight. I actually did give in, but so grudgingly that he knew and I finally admited that I don't like what he picked out. He knocked out at least 5 of my choices for various reasons, I didn't pout of go into a snit.

Frankly, I'm tired of sacrificing all the damn time.

Not Sleeping at night

This is getting serious.

I actually couldn't sleep last night because I am so unhappy with the current situation. It seems like I'm constantly reading of people having baby girls who don't want them or who didn't want to be pregnant in the first place (and really isn't in a situation to have a baby right now).

I feel like I resent my boys because I don't have a girl. I don't know if that's true or not. I feel like I could be a better mom if I had this hole filled. But that's just stupid, right? Having another child would just add to the stress and make things harder, right?

I used to put myself to sleep dreaming about a little girl. I have to stop that. It's only making things worse. I can't have a little girl so stop dreaming about it.

DH wants a vasectomy. I haven't said no. If he doesn't want more kids then I can't make him. But I know that when he does, a part of me will die. Right now, there is always that slim chance that I could get pregnant. If he has a vasectomy, that slim chance will be pretty much nil (yes, I know people who have gotten pregnant after a vasectomy, but they aren't that common).

I hate myself for feeling like this. And I don't feel like it's something I can discuss with DH because I knew going into the marriage he only wanted 2 kids. It wouldn't be fair to make him make a choice like this when he already told me his choice.

My friend Amy

I realized the other day that my life has always had an Amy in it, and when it hasn't, it's been bland and I've felt lost.

In grade school and jr high, I had Amy Bernasky. We were friends, then we weren't, then we were friendly, then she moved. High School is kind of a daze for me. I did good in school, but knew I didn't belong there, but wasn't sure where I did belong.

In jr college, I had Amy Bales. Amy and I were pretty friendly freshman year. Sophomore year we took physics together and studied together 1st semester but pretty much drifted apart 2nd semester.

We went to the same university, but by then I had met current dh and didn't really take times to stay friends and she didn't really seem to want to be all that friendly either.

The summer between junior and senior years I met Amethyst Shields (an Amy because apparently few people can pronounce Amethyst, go figure). Amy just had a bday but I haven't spoken to her since that summer. Which sucks. There we were 2 young kids on a mountain, in a log cabin with no tv, no radio and no telephone. It was an hour to anything resembling civilization. We grew close (not that way, I don't know *any* women who grew close that way, despite what porn mags tell you) but she moved on to Kansas and I moved in with current DH.

I went almost 3 years before I met my current Amy. Amy Elaine. Amy and I are still friends despite me having moved twice since we met. We met at a job which we both hated but would probably still be at if they hadn't laid us all off. I'm trying to get Amy to come visit me. I think she'd like it down here, but so far it hasn't worked out. I haven't seen her in 2 years now. We keep in touch via email.