I was inside, noshing on cake and talking to some guests, dh and the boys were outside, playing in the pool and talking to the other guests.
Apparently dh told one of the women with 3yo twin girls how much I wanted a girl. I don't know if he's reading this blog (I don't think so) or what. I thought I did a pretty good job of not discussing these longings at home. I really don't want to leave my boys thinking they aren't good enough. Of course they are good enough. They're wonderful, perfect (okay, maybe not perfect) boys. I can't imagine loving them any more than I do now.
But, I can't deny that my heart's longing is for a little girl. I have more than a few friends who have adopted from China. This seems like a good way to assure that you'll get a girl (but occasionally people get referrals for boys). But it's expensive. And dh really feels like our family is complete.
I have to decide if I am happy this way or if I will eventually end an otherwise happy marriage. In order to stay happily married, I have to make this emptiness go away. But I don't know how to do that.