Wednesday, August 30, 2006

I'm on a diet

I hate diets. I hate most healthy foods. Eating foods I don't like puts me in a bad mood. Not eating any food puts me in a bad mood. It's safe to say I'm in a bad mood right now. But, being fat puts me in a bad mood, so eating what I like isn't an option.

I know all the rhetoric, it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. Anything that requires me to consciously think about everything that goes into my mouth and avoid things I really, really like (like, say, potato chips and cookies) is a diet. The fact that it needs to be for the rest of my life just means that I will be on a diet forever.

Such a lovely thought.

I've found some decent alternatives, but some things just remain gone. Sweet potato chips? Are nasty and not an alternative to potato chips. Sweet potatoes are NOTHING like regular potatoes and suggesting I use them as a substitute? Will net you the glare of death.

Now DH, he's on this thing whole heartedly. For his bday? He wants a whole grain carrot cake. Which requires me to make it from scratch. Which is a lot of work for something I think probably won't turn out well (because we can't use regular sugar either, it has to be fructose). I'm thinking "dude, it's a birthday, live a little, let me buy you a decadent bakery carrot cake". He just looks at me over his 5 cups of lettuce with 1 tablespoon of dressing and says this is what is good to him and that if I loved him, I'd just figure out the carrot cake thing.

I'm stressing over this whole bday thing. He did really well on my bday (with help from his mom) and I'm struggling like mad just to have something that will look like I put any effort into it. That's the story of my life. Some things, that are hard for other people, I can breeze right through, but things that most people find to be absolutely simple just kill me. It takes me hours to clean the house whereas DH can do it in half an hour or less and have it look better. And while it may be the thought that counts, people tend to think that thought will show itself a little more than mine does.

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