Soccer games

I mentioned in one of my comments that Hyperion gets really bothered by people straying from what he perceives as the correct path. This really plays out in soccer games. Last year it wasn't a problem because he was new to the game and didn't understand the strategy and ideas.

This year it's a HUGE problem. He's not on a very good team, they haven't won a game - EVER (his coach from last year didn't come back so the team was split up). He knows (or thinks he knows) what everyone is supposed to be doing. So when one of his teammates doesn't do what Hyperion thinks he is supposed to do, Hyperion fixates on it. To the point of actually refusing to continue to fully participate in the game.

Today when we got to the game, the parents didn't know what field they were supposed to play on. I'll admit I didn't check, I assumed it was the same field as always, but there were already 2 teams warming up on that field, so clearly not. I met the parents and they told me the field number but didn't know what field that was. I did because Oceanus spent most of the season last year playing on that field. Hyperion and I had brought two balls with us because we knew that the rest of the team never brought balls to the games and consequently we often didn't have a ball for warming up. So, the team kicked the balls over to the correct field. I reminded them to stay off the other fields because teams were warming up. A couple of the kids didn't pay attention and lost control, kicking it onto the other field. No big deal, just go ahead and kick it off the field and continue to the right field. Except they didn't. They continued to mess around on the field, I reminded them we needed to get out of the way and when they didn't immediately comply, Hyperion lost it. Sigh.

So he gets it contained, but I can tell it's still simmering under the surface. We get to the right field and his coach shows up. Hyperion is not happy with the drills coach is running (mainly because he's still upset from the ball incident) and pitches a fit. I ask him if he wants to leave and he says yes. Sigh. So we have a "come to Jesus" meeting. I tell him if we leave now, there will be no TV and no gameboy for a week and that doesn't include the consequence his dad hands down. I told him "forget everyone else, live your own path. Pretend you are having a good time - fake it 'til you make it". So he goes back over to coach and tells him he's not leaving.

After the game (a tie so it's not a loss, yay! AND Hyperion made the only goal for his team - his first this year) he tells me that he did fake it and then he found he was having a good time. He said "I faked it 'til I made it and I liked it!".

He has another game next week, the last until spring. So send fuzzy thoughts that this week's epiphany will hold out.

Oceanus' team won their final game. Giving them a final stat of 4 wins, 2 losses and 1 tie - which puts them in 3rd place, I believe. I missed the game because both boys were scheduled to play at the same time about 5 miles apart (different sports parks).

Music soothes the savage beast

Hyperion had good behavior marks the last two days. In an effort to reward good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior, we decided to try to come up with rewards for him.

We've noticed that his behavior is much better when he's listening to music (any kind of music), so Mr. Gaia ordered him a cheap MP3 player (he has a portable CD player but it eats batteries like you wouldn't believe, plus CDs are not really 6yo friendly). We replaced the earbuds with headphones and left the plastic protector on it.

So we gave it to him tonight. I swear, it's like he was on a sedative. He ate quietly and quickly (we normally do family meals, but tonight was a relaxed night where we just ate when we were hungry). He took his vitamins and brushed his teeth without complaint. He sat quietly while Oceanus got ready for bed.

It was night and day. I don't know if it will last, but it was definitely worth every penny Mr. Gaia spent for the MP3 player and every minute he spent loading it with music, even if it only lasts a few days.

ADHD

So, my MIL brought me a book about ADHD. I do see Hyperion in the descriptions. But more than than, I see myself.

This is an interesting book, it's 20 Questions to Ask if Your Child has ADHD. It describes the way it stresses your family, which I soooo see in our family. And it describes the dysfunctional way families deal with it.

Trip down memory lane:

I'm 12 and a half. My brother died from injuries from a car accident 6 months before.

I became old enough to be in the youth group of the church at the beginning of the school year. We are at a youth group retreat. This is my first real event as a member of the youth group. My parents are there.

Also there is a boy who has always "teased" me (I'd call it bullying, but the adults insisted it was "teasing").

As part of the opening exercises we are supposed to do a trust building exercise. We are to reveal our biggest secret/fear, etc to the group. Starting with the youngest - me. I was a very vulnerable child, I was picked on constantly - by my family, my classmates, parents of classmates (I wish I was kidding). For me, this was just too much. I'm supposed to lay myself bare in front of EVERYONE, including my bully? I refused to go first. I told them that someone else needed to go first. When my parents intervened (rudely, in my opinion) all I could express was that I could not possibly talk about something like that in front of my bully. My parents had the nerve to take me to task for hurting his feelings.

When I started crying because I couldn't explain myself with my dad yelling at me and my mom griping at me for hurting Bully's feelings and the youth director for telling me that I HAD to follow the rules, my parents packed me up and took me home.

As an adult, I'm really angry and hurt that my parents never seemed to take my side or even listen to me. I'm angry that the adults were too stupid to realize that you NEVER make the weakest person in the group lay themselves bare first. I'm pissed that everyone could excuse outright bullying as teasing.

In my situation, I really think that any child would have a problem in those circumstances, but what I'm sure now is ADD in me (and maybe a slight bit of Aspergers) led me to be more than normally emotional (well that and having lost my brother 6 months before, I mean really - WHAT THE HELL??!!).

I'm so terrified that I will make the same mistakes my parents made. I see myself doing many of the things they did and that made me feel less valued and less loved.

ADD

So Hyperion's teacher finally mentioned that she thought he might have ADD. Really? No kidding?

I'm not sure how to handle this. I know I don't want to medicate him. That much I'm positive about. He is doing well in school. He's an A-B student, but he is having behavioral issues. I'm afraid he is preventing other kids from doing as well as they should. There will be some discussions in the Gaia household this weekend.

Oceanus is mad at me. He didn't put his soccer shirt in the dirty laundry and I just realized it today. I've already done the week's laundry. I made him gather what was left and then I walked him through washing it. He didn't think it was fair that I made him wash my clothes too. I pointed out that we still weren't washing a full load and that was wasteful. I told him that if he had put it where it belonged, it would have been washed with the regular clothes and we wouldn't be wasting energy and water washing a partial load.